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TRUE BLOOD: Mr. Doggett is Alive And On Fire

Season 4, Episode 4 “I’m Alive And On Fire”

Last week having had his memory taken from the local Wicca crew, Eric drank Sookie’s fairy godmother dry and this week we are presented with a new view of the new Eric. This new Eric is drunk as a skunk on fairy blood and quite a happy drunk he is. A little Sookie tush pinching and playing around has Eric giddy and Sookie frustrated. The episode tonight seemed all about the bait and switch. Everything starts one way and before you know it has completely turned around on you and you get something else.

Now we know humans shouldn’t drink and drive. I think there should be a similar rule for vamps. They shouldn’t drink fairy blood and run really fast. They just up and disappear on you and there is no way to catch up to them. Fortunately for Sookie, when she runs into this problem with Eric she just calls on her old pal Alcide to come and do his werewolfy duty. Alcide is still sweet on Sook so he’s more than happy to oblige and does a good job of covering his feelings by making sure she turns around before he completely disrobes to get his wolf on. This week there is definitely a problem keeping all those six packs under wraps. Like a good dog Alcide quickly tracks down Eric to a local pond where he is frolicking his naked nordic butt around without any fear of the sun or the crocs that Sookie warns him about. And yes he was frolicking. But alas fairy blood buzz does not last forever and our pasty white vamp is soon turning red and coming down from his high. Sookie and Alcide get him back under wraps and into his cellar at the Stackhouse manor. While he is aware that he should return to the hole and rest he is resistant to the idea and in fact becomes a little depressed. See how they did that. Frolicking Eric, meet depressed and sullen Eric.

Alcide returns home and actually admits to Debbie that he was off helping Sookie. He concerned, and rightly so based on her actions last year, that she would be mad but you can see in her eyes that she is fighting back the urge to just go all nutbag on him. I don’t think she’s going to be able to hold that in much longer. Crazy is hard to contain.

Turns out Jason is not only being forced to seed Crystal but they’re actually lining up all of the lady folk who are even remotely old enough for such relations. It is here that we get a better idea of just how in-bred these poor panther people are when one such lass describes how Jason is the best she has had compared to her ‘brother-husband’. Say that again? That is one twisted family tree. Poor Jason is at the end of his rope when he is presented with his next bed guest. The youngest of the ladies to be seeded creeps Jason out beyond belief but he is able to keep his wits about him (hold up – did I just say wits and Jason in the same sentence?) long enough to convince her that neither of them want this and she (finally!) cuts him loose. Now this switch took a little longer to pull off since we’ve been subjected to Jason tied to this bed for a couple of weeks asking for them to just kill him.

Well, that was the past couple of weeks and this week is different. Things are getting switched around. Finally free from his love nest Jason gets his Rambo survival skills kicking in high gear. He’s rubbing dirt on himself to hide his scent, throwing his shirt one way and running the other, climbing a tree and whittling a spear that would make Jed Clampett proud and jumping down Tarzan-style on one of his panther pursuers killing him with said spear. The old Jason is back. Crystal shows up and shifts back into her human naked form all excited that her loverboy has offed one of her own so she can now be ‘momma bear’. Doesn’t matter now though. The old Jason is back and he stands his ground threatening to kill her if she comes near him ever again. Unfazed she commits to wait for him and that he will be one of them soon, when the full moon comes. I’ve got to start thinking there’s going to be a full moon coming very very soon. Can’t wait.

Thankfully Jason’s ordeal comes to an end when he is finally discovered hours later near death on the side of the road by Jessica and Hoyt. Nurse Jessica quickly administers a little vamp blood to help him along. Andy would be totally cheesed if he knew she was just giving it away like that, especially to Stackhouse.

Bill is just having a rough time of it this week. Doesn’t seem like much is going his way lately. Being King is not all sunshine and roses you know. Eric is still MIA and Pam isn’t much help since she thinks that Bill set him up. All Nan does is yell at Bill to clean this mess up without spilling human blood and scolds him for wasting time/energy on stupid Wiccans. However, after his berating by Nan, I’m starting to think that Bill is truly concerned about the witches and feels threatened by them. Then his evening out with new girlfriend, if you can call her that, Portia turns out to be a total bust. What starts as a pleasant sit down with Portia, Andy and their lovely old grandmother quickly switches into something he couldn’t see coming. During a walk down memory lane while discussing the Bellefleur family tree Bill learns that he has a very close tie to the family. Grossed out he tells Portia that they can no longer see each other because she is his great-great=great granddaughter. Yep, that kind of grossed out. Where’s Maury Povich when you need him? To make matters worse (can they get worse than sleeping with your descendants?) he confronts Sookie about searching her house for Eric and she won’t let him by basically calling him out for all the lies he has told and that she has never lied to him before (before now that is). Poor Bill. Better luck next week.

Sam gets accosted in his own joint by Hoyt’s momma wondering what he did to Tommy. Turns out Tommy has disappeared and since Sam has a history of shooting his brother one cannot help but assume history has repeated itself. Sorry crazy lady no one else is drinking that juice. She’s actually even frustrated/disappointed that Sam doesn’t argue back at her. No respect I tell ya. Tommy’s missing because he ran off to see his real momma. She is so proud to learn that her baby boy is an educated man after he tells her how he can read and sound out words. It was a nice little reunion but you couldn’t help feel like the other shoe was about to drop. Sitting around the campfire chatting it happened – the switch. Momma lied about running away from Joe Lee. With Tommy gone someone had to make the money so mommy dearest has been thrown back in the dogfighting ring. Only problem is she isn’t any good at it. Out of nowhere Joe Lee whips a chain around Tommy’s neck and has him on the ground ready to snap him in two. I actually felt bad for Tommy at this point because he’s kind of screwed and without Sam intervening I don’t see how he’s going to get out of it.

The last thing on Sam’s mind is Tommy and his shenanigans. He makes an impromptu stop at Luna’s house only to find out that she has a little girl that she’s been hiding. He convinces her to let down her guard and before the night is over we learn that the absentee father is a jealous stalking werewolf who has a history of chasing the men that come into her life away. Sam must really like Luna because he doesn’t let the news phase him one bit. I see a showdown coming. Wonder if Alcide has a connection to this baby daddy?

More baby drama for Arlene and Terry. Never give a baby a red crayon or else you too could end up with ‘baby not yours’ scrawled on your wall when you’re not looking. Redrum anyone?

I started this episode thinking Marnie is the lamest Wiccan I’ve ever seen. That may be harsh judgement considering the very few Wiccans I’ve actually come in contact with. To be honest that number is zero but I have been to the Salem Witch Museum in Salem, MA before (highly recommend by the way). Seriously though. When Lafayette, Jesus and Tara go to Marnie to explain their predicament and ask her to reverse the spell she starts running around like the Keystone Cops. Aren’t witches supposed to know spells and what not? She’s clueless. Even if she was possessed by some ancient witch (who we find out in a dream was burned at the stake a long, long time ago) she should know some of the basic Wiccan incantations. Nope. She has to beg and plead until finally the spirit gets tired of hearing her whine and points her to the right book for the spell. Of course, where our Scooby trio is concerned nothing ever goes smoothly. Standing in a giant circle with Pam ready to tear someone a new one Marnie fumbles again to recite the spell while the others stand around looking like Pam’s next meal. Pam gets a little pushy and fed up with the simpleton in front of her that she actually angers the spirit to the point that Marnie is once again possessed and casts a new spell that makes Pam’s face start to peel and fall off to the touch. Horrified Pam scurries off to lick her wounds while Marnie passes out. Screwed they are. Screwed even more. First Eric and now Pam. It’s all going downhill for Lafayette, Jesus and Tara fast.

One thing you can say about Bon Temps. While supernaturals can walk around in every day life and you wouldn’t ever know that they were a shape shifter, werewolf, panther or a fairy you do know a crazy person when you see one. Hoyt’s momma? Crazy. Joe Lee? Crazy. Debbie? Crazy. Crystal? Crazy. Okay, I’ll cut Crystal a little slack because of the inbreeding but she’s still crazy nonetheless.

Is there a normal anymore in Bon Temps? I’m not so sure anymore.

[Official Show Site at HBO]

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