ONCE UPON A TIME There Were These Kids, See…

 

 

 

 

 

Season 1, episode 9: “True North”

This week’s episode starts off without the usual prologue, which caught me by surprise. I guess the producers figure everyone who’s still watching is up to speed by now, and they can dispense with the “here’s what we know already” intro.

So, Henry is in the drug store getting his dose of Disney corporate cross-promotion: reading Marvel’s Hulk vs. Wolverine (got to get that product placement in!) when he turns around and almost bumps into Eva. This is one of those meet-cutes you hear about. Geek kid meets pretty girl over a comic book. You can even see it in Henry’s face – “This girl is talking to me?” It has all the earmarks of the classic “how I met your mother” story – including her brother Nicholas putting stolen goods in Henry’s backpack. Busted by Sneezy!

Sneezy/Mr. Clark’s question “Just who do you think you are?” lands us in Fairy Tale Land, where Eva and Nicholas are actually Gretel and Hansel (Loony Toons fans, say it with me: “Hansel? Hansel?”) They’re out with Father chopping wood when he sends them out for kindling, giving Gretel a compass that will always find him. Of course it’s a magic compass. Don’t you have one?

And of course, while they’re out, Father disappears, the kids fall down and break the compass, and when they get to the road they’re almost trampled by the Evil Queen Grimhilde’s retinue…

Over in Storybrooke, Grimhilde’s counterpart Madam Mayor is inspecting the loot (including more Apollo bars), when Emma comes in to do her Sheriffing. Eva and Nicholas give her a sob story about not being able to afford anything (like candy bars? Junk food?) and they pull at Emma’s heartstrings (’cause, you know, this sheriff has a heart…).

The sob story continues in Fairy Tale Land, where Hansel and Gretel are just looking for their father, and Gretel uses Hansel’s sling to knock over a guard David vs. Goliath style, and they run. Only to be cut off at the pass by Smoke-Monster-Effect Grimhilde, who’s sporting a cool hat and long black tresses (except the wife didn’t care too much for the leather pants…). The Evil Queen makes a deal with the kids: she’ll let them go if they do something for her first.

Emma drops off Eva and Nick, telling them of her superpower – human lie detector – and she makes sure everything’s OK with the kids before she lets them go. As she drives off, the kids go up to the house, only to run off (see, it’s not really their house) and make their way to an abandoned house where they’ve set up shelter in the basement. But there’s a noise upstairs! They go up to look, and lo! The Sheriff! Emma and that superpower of hers… turns out the kids are orphans.

So, Emma takes them to Mary Margaret’s instead of child services. And again with the clever writers with their clever-cute character names. Eva and Nicholas Zimmer (from the German “zimmerman” meaning carpenter) have been orphans since the death of their mother, and don’t know anything about their father. Mary Margaret is shocked to learn their situation, but wonders why Emma hasn’t reported them to the proper government agencies. Emma: “I report them, I can’t help them.” Having grown up in the same situation, Emma knows the system is broken, with foster families using the kids as meal tickets just to get money for every mouth they feed. Knowing there’s a chance they’d be separated, Emma wants to find the father.

A visit to Mr. Krzyszkowski (Mr. K to everyone who can’t pronounce it, which seems to be about everyone), the county clerk? Emma fills out the forms – in triplicate – only to find that Regina has already taken the documents and called the state agency to find a place for them in Boston.

In the woods over in FTL, the Evil Queen  takes kids to the home of the Blind Witch. Hansel is the master of understatement this week: “That doesn’t sound good.” The Blind Witch has something the Queen needs to defeat an enemy (obviously Snow White). But the house house is protected by magic, so Grimhilde can’t enter. However, the spell doesn’t work on children, so they make a deal with the Queen in exchange for finding their father. Grimhilde has a final warning: “Don’t eat anything.”

Back at the sheriff’s office, Henry comes in with the book; he’s figured out the kids are Hansel and Gretel, and he’s convinced the father is still in Storybrooke. Because no one leaves Storybrooke. And finally, the boy asks about his own father. This is a tale that’s been screaming to be told from the beginning. Very loud in its absence. So Emma tells Henry that the dad was a firefighter who would come into the 24-hour diner where she worked. They hit it off, but he died rescuing people from a fire, and she ended up getting into some trouble that landed her in jail. She paints a very pretty picture of the hero father for Henry. Hmm.

When Henry asks if she kept anything by which to remember him, it sparks a thought. Emma shows the kids her baby blanket and tells them of her time in the system, and how she’s looking for her parents. “All of us – we’ve held onto stuff.” She wants to know if there’s something they’ve kept. Behold! Eva has the compass.

Fairy Tale Land: night in the woods. The kids get into gingerbread house to find sugar foods everywhere. It’s a diabetic’s nightmare. Gretel snags the satchel, but poor Hansel can’t help himself and takes a big bite of a cupcake (no no no! Not the blue one!). And of course, the Blind Witch wakes up and traps the kids in the house, where there’s a big pile of bones on the hearth. “I smell dinner.”

NOTE: This is not the blind witch from the Curse Day spell-casting event.

Emma goes to Mr. Gold and shows him the compass. Turns out it was bought in that very shop, and Mr. Gold keeps extensive records, so of course he knows who bought it.

Emma, ever the skeptic, wants to know Gold’s price. He asks for forgiveness (obviously for the political theatre of last week’s episode); Emma haggles, offers tolerance instead. Gold takes what he can get, gives her the name – which isn’t actually written down anywhere.

Oho! So Gold knows much more than he’s telling. How did he know Tillman’s name just off the top of his head? More evidence that he knows more than he’s telling. (And I take special note of the lamp on the counter in front of him. It looks very much like a certain lamp that houses a certain genie…)

Tillman, the town mechanic, denies he’s the father. He was only with Dory once. Emma shows him the compass. While he accepts that they could be his kids, he refuses to help (wimp), saying he has no idea how to be a father. Frustrated, Emma calls Mary Margaret to tell her the bad news and try to conspire to hide the kids until she can figure something out. Only Regina shows up to make sure the Sheriff does her job. (And I make note of the fact that this scene takes place across from a garage. The same one? Mary Margaret lives on the town square? I’d love to see if anyone’s put together a map of Storybrooke yet…)

FTL: the kids are trapped; Blind Witch keeps trying to decide “Gravy or butter?” Gretel takes Hansel’s place on the way to the oven and picks the witch’s pocket for the key to the cage. Hansel gets out, but he stumbles and makes a noise. Blind Witch zeroes in on him with, “Butter it is.” And just as the witch almost has them, Gretel knocks her over and they manage to lock her in the oven, get the satchel and run. The Blind Witch is still in the oven, but maybe it’s a second oven, because this one’s not on. Until Grimhilde, watching through the Mirror, sends a burst of flame and sets the witch on fire with a pithy, “I would have gone gravy.”

Ouch.

The kids bring the satchel to Grimhilde, who reaches in and pulls out an apple. Hansel, of course, gets mouthy about going through all of that for just an apple. Grimhilde, naturally, has an answer. This is no ordinary apple. Oh, no. It’s a weapon for a particular and devious enemy – obviously she’s talking about that hag Snow White. And we all know what she plans to do with that apple.

Gretel reminds her of the promise to find their father. Evil Queen Grimhilde instead says they deserve better than a father who abandoned them. They’ve impressed her so much, she offers to take them in, with promises of riches. But silly little kids; Gretel refuses because Grimhilde’s an awful person. They’re going to find their father with or without help. OK. If that’s the way you want it. Whoosh with the purple whirlwind and the kids are whisked away!

In Storybrooke, Emma puts Eva and Nicholas in the car, with Henry & Regina looking on. Henry is convinced they can’t leave town. Something bad will happen. And on the way out, something does. The car dies right on the edge of town. Giving Emma the excuse she needs to make a certain phone call.

FTL: Evil Queen is looking into the Mirror watching Snow White; she’s cavorting with dwarves now. This is apparently after Snow’s encounter with the prince, but before the Evil Queen disguises herself and delivers the apple. The guards bring in Hansel & Gretel’s father for interrogation. Why is it, that the children refused her offer of riches and chose to search for the father instead. Dad has an easy answer: “Because we’re family. and family always finds each other.”

Hansel & Gretel wake up in the woods. Way far away from everywhere. So the kids are lost in Fairy Tale Land, but they get found in Storybrooke, because Emma on road called Tillman. And as he arrives on the scene, the compass starts working again. Tillman figures out Emma set him up. Sheriff Emma gives him one last chance to see them. And it’s obvious there’s a story behind her own tale, one that we won’t get for a while, I’m sure.

In the aftermath, Emma and Mary Margaret talk about finding Emma’s parents. MM is sure there’s a reason why they haven’t been easy to find. Emma finally tells her Henry’s theory, that she’s the daughter of Snow White. Now, this is where Mary Margaret could react in one of several ways, but she takes it in stride: “Well, you do sort of have my chin.” She takes it a lot better than I would have expected. But when Emma goes out for air, Mary Margaret spots the baby blanket; a bit of almost-recognition there. I expected her to flash, like Graham did. But not this week.

Outside, Henry shows up with pumpkin pie (doesn’t this kid have a curfew?). Emma says she’s glad she told him about his father (which she didn’t, really), and then a dark, handsome stranger shows up on a motorcycle, wooden box strapped to the back. Who is he, and how did he get to Storybrooke?

Note: his license plate reads “23”. So many people are already speculating that this is the Big Bad Wolf, but I’ve researched it a bit and found that in the 1812 collection of the stories, number 23 is a story called “The Robber Bridegroom” (read it here). I’m calling it now. He’s the robber bridegroom from that story. Big Bad Wolf is too obvious. These writers are subtle with their world-building. That 23 on the bike means something.

It’s only a matter of time before we find out what it is.

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