Who’s Responsible for CHLOE KING?
THE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING
Season 1, episode 9: “Responsible”
It hits me as I’m watching this episode, that I don’t recognize any of the musical artists in this show. On one level, that bothers me a bit, because it raises the question of whether or not I’m out of touch. And then I realize I don’t care. If it’s not classical or Classic Rock, I’m not into it anyway…
Chloe comes home to find roses on her desk. Awww… Turns out it was Alek, the stalker – erm, guy who’s supposed to be watching over her. Broke into her room. And gave her flowers stolen from the neighbor’s yard. Yes, folks, this is how we make up in modern times. With theft and breaking & entering. And then the dialogue! Are you kidding me? “The more beautiful things are, the more prickly they can be.” Really? For him to actually say that, someone actually had to write it. And it’s doubly annoying to know that there are 14-year-old girls all over swooning over this kind of crap.
Mom comes in for Gilmore Girl time. And she’s needy? Worried about meeting Frank’s daughter at dinner tomorrow night. And Chloe has to be the grown-up. This change over from Mom being the adult to Chloe being one bothers me. I know this happens in some families, but to see it shift so abruptly like this is just awkward. And it plays to the stereotype because the whole situation is over a boy. Give me a break. I feel so sorry for Amy Pietz. She’s better than her material allows her to be.
Of course, this is the obligatory setup to the whole theme of the show – “responsible”. As in, Chloe’s responsible. And we know how that’s going to turn out, right?
I’m struck by the disconnect between the snarky sure-of-herself Chloe in the opening titles and the character we get in the show. I don’t see Snarky Confident Chloe anywhere in the show. That Chloe might be interesting. Maybe. I doubt the writers would give her anything more interesting to do.
So, Kitty Hat Brian has been reading his father’s letters to his mother. Mother is dead, and Kitty Hat is just realizing that Dad’s a liar, but he has his moments, right? “You truly are my life, my love, my happiness” – ick. Kitty Hat reads that part aloud to Chloe. Of course it took me three times to play it back and figure out what Kitty Hat was saying – combination of actor mushmouth and a bad audio mix.
When does Chloe do homework?
The iPhone makes its usual spectacle of itself, and as Chloe and Brian part, we see Photo Stalker in a hoodie.
At work, Chloe gets a Paycheck. Now she can get a car! (wait, don’t you have to work to get a paycheck?) And then Jasmine comes in to get fashion advice from Chloe, the 16 year old, who futzes with another Kitty Hat prop. As if director Joe Lazarov figured we need a visual reminder that we’re talking about cat people. This show is not subtle. Jasmine’s met a boy from another pride (of Mai, the cat people… you know, it’s a lion thing), and is now all mushy inside because it’s a boy. OMG! (This is another scene to setup “Chloe is the responsible one” who gives advice to others who should know better than to listen to a 16-year-old.)
Meanwhile, at the Evil Rich Guy’s secret lair — erm. the Rezza mansion – Simone the Hot Redhead tells Rezza that everything is going according to the Plan. This is an exposition scene where they reveal to us that they’re going to kill the Hoodie crew – Alek and Jasmine – to make it easier to get to the Uniter. And all this time they don’t know who the Uniter is? Really? That kind of a lack of intelligence gets people killed in the Real World…
Jasmine’s coming out of the store with her Stuff to Impress Boy, and we get an Action sequence! Jasmine Spider-Senses that she’s being watched, sees Hoodie Stalker and gives chase! In the daylight, no less. She doesn’t catch him, but she does get his camera. It’s a nice camera. Very expensive camera. And it’s got photos of all of the principal cast! OMG!
Chloe – the responsible one, remember – is anxious about the whole car thing. Not sure why, but she keeps hesitating to bring it up with Mom. A close-up reveals her paycheck’s only $179? And then I did math. IF I have it right, at minimum wage (ish) that’s 36 hours. No way she’s working that much. But she lets herself get caught up in plans for Dinner with Frank & Vanessa, the young teenager who’s not a big fan of the divorce. Stereotypical brat of the divorce, she keeps to herself during the dinner so we know she’s Not Likeable.
Jasmine and Alek review the camera shots, and they mention Valentina, which makes me miss Alicia Coppola. This show’s much more watchable when she’s on it. Then Zane shows up. The boy from New York City. Now, this does two things. First, I instantly know this kid is Hoodie Stalker. And second I have “The Boy From New York City” by the Manhattan Transfer in my head now.
Chloe tries to bond with Vanessa, who’s still being the Brat of the Week. Chloe then Spider-Senses Vanessa, who’s lying about having a boyfriend. OMG!! Dad would FREEEEK! Now they get to bond, because of boys. OMG! Vanessa instantly trusts Chloe?? Enough to reveal her online handle in a teen meetup dating site that she really shouldn’t be visiting without Dad’s supervision? And she’s getting romance advice from a sixteen year old? Of course, she is. Because Chloe’s older. Remember the scenes that set up Chloe as the responsible one? Wait for it. It’s about to pay off when we find out that Vanessa has taken Chloe’s advice and Run Away with Boyfriend! OMG!
Chloe feels responsible for Vanessa running away. Of course she does. She and Amy discuss it at the wharf. I’m assuming it’s Saturday, since none of them are in school (we never see them in school…). Alek shows up to talk about the stalker. Note that the Golden Gate Bridge is behind him (because the production team takes every opportunity to remind us we’re in San Francisco), and they walk away from the bridge to have their talk. The very next shot is a jib shot down to Alek and Chloe standing in front of the bridge in pretty much the exact same spot they just left! This is called a JUMP CUT, and it’s a no-no for professionals in the film and television biz. Mr. Lazarov, please take notes.
(See, Mr. Lazarov is actually a producer, with more time doing that. His directing has been limited to “Gossip Girl” and this show. He needs to stick to producing, because he’s got some good shows on that list.)
Another iPhone moment! Chloe tells Alek she needs to see Brian. (And there’s a Magic ferry in the background behind Chloe, because between shots, it’s there and then it’s not. This is a flaw in Continuity. Mr. Lazarov, please take notes.) Alek’s so full of himself. Chloe threatens him over Kitty Hat. Awww.. OMG!
Meeting w/Brian: He might have found something. Letters from Grandma, who was supposed to be dead. OMG! Dad lied about that. What else could he be lying about? Hmmmmm?
At the coffee shop (did they only have the budget for one or two sets? Really?) Alek and Paul bond, sort of. Paul establishes that it’s Saturday, and Chloe doesn’t work Saturday, which reinforces the whole “When DOES she work?” question. Remember the math. Now, in spite of myself, I like Paul. He’s the only interesting character who’s written halfway decently. So he does this quid pro quo thing with Alek where they trade questions, and Alek says, “Every ancient god had human offspring.” – so that means there’s potentially dozens or hundreds of different hybrid races like the Mai and the Jackals. Where have I seen this before?
Oh, yes. “Stargate”. And they did it better.
Brian and Chloe talk about the letters from Grandma. Chloe says they work well together (remember, Kitty Hat, she’s only SIXTEEN!) Amy calls to tell Chloe that Vanessa is online, so Chloe instantly jumps on Brian’s Apple laptop (product placement!) to find her. At the park, Vanessa meets Chloe, thinking that Chloe can tell Frank that everything’s OK. Vanessa is in love with a 27 year old boy; Chloe freaks. Really? Remember Kitty Hat? This is called “irony”, and I don’t think it’s in the lexicon for the show’s writers. This show has absolutely NO internal logic. So Vanessa runs off with Cody in a bright red Mustang. Squealing tires, Chloe haz a sad.
But wait! Alek to the rescue! He’s followed the bright red Mustang Vanessa’s boyfriend drives. Breaks into the car to get intel. This kid has no concept of “personal space”, does he? It’s consistent with the attitude we saw in the Mai girls from South America – the humans are really beneath the Mai, and Alek has no trouble breaking laws to impress the Girl He Luvs. Aww.
At the Rezza mansion, Brian & Dad have some inane talk about yadda yadda, then Dads asks about the girl from the art show. Brian reminds Dad that he never took the time to meet her. Zinger! (If only Dad Evil Rich Guy had been paying attention the way Simone had been…)
At the apartment, Jasmine and Zane are about to go out, when Zane suggests they stay in so Jasmine’s available in case people need her. Jasmine melts because he’s just so SWEET!. And then Jasmine puts the iPhone down where she can’t see it. So she can lock lips with Boy From New York City, whom she just met. (My, the Mai must move really fast in relationships…)
We catch up to Vanessa as she’s going with Cody to board a tw0-week cruise. But they’re down by the warehouse docks. It’s not a cruise ship – but a cargo ship. Cody just looks sleazy. So it’s no surprise that Vanessa has been kidnapped by a human trafficking ring! OMG!
Saw that coming when I saw the ship.
Alek brings back stuff from the sleazbag’s car, and Chloe melts because Alek has again broken the law for her. Awww. Then Brian shows up for a chat in the store where Chloe claims to work, but the lights are out so I guess it’s closed… Turns out the envelope with the key has the same postmark as Grandma’s letter. So she could still be alive! Zounds!
Meanwhile, in the coffee shop next door (say it like the narrator from “Batman”): Amy, Paul, Alek put the pieces together. Paul figures it out. Human trafficking – big thing in the news now. So, Amy going to get the manifests for cargo ships? Is that a matter of public record? Alek goes to get Chloe, grabs her to pull her away from Kitty Hat, who’s got claws of his own. Brian & Alek slap paws. Brian punches Alek. OMG! Chloe kicks Brian out of the store. Why are they in the store after hours?
Another iPhone close-up shows Alek is trying to reach Jasmine, who stayed at the apartment in case anyone needed to reach her, remember? Only Jasmine and Zane are having kissy-face on the balcony. She’s being distracted, methinks.
Action sequence at night! Batman Begins did the whole cargo dock thing better. And Chloe gets full of herself, thinking she’s got Mad Skillz or something, and ends up kicking the guy who really can take it, and she gets locked in the cargo pod like an idiot completely too sure of herself. Idiot. Sixteen year olds. What are you gonna do? But this gives us another look at MaiVision:
Alek’s pretending to be unconscious after getting slugged over the head, and he Super-Hears Chloe in the box. And as they open the door to put him in, he jumps up and signals Chloe for more action sequence in the form of Terribly Choreographed Stunts. All slow-motion and “We’re bad” style. And of course they win, and lock up the bad guys in the cargo box where they were keeping the girls. (Wait. Where are the girls??? We never see them get out of the box. We never see them again at all. Mr. Lazarov, take a note: this is bad storytelling.)
So, then we get the collection of scenes where people make peace with Chloe. First, Chloe walks Vanessa home. Vanessa promises to keep the secret. They hug in the middle of the street like the BFFs they are now. Awwww. Then Brian comes to the store the next day and apologizes to Chloe. He’s going to the address on the envelope to see if Grandma might still be alive, and Chloe offers to go with. Then Mom and Chloe get their moment, where we learn Frank broke up with Mom because he’s got to focus on Vanessa (thus, leaving the door open for Dad to show up at the season finale, right?) And then Mom brings up the agreement about the car, which leads to Kia Soul product placement! She’s saved up half of this? So we’ll now be getting the obligatory shots of the Kia to go with the obligatory shots of the iPhone.
With so much product placement money, why can’t they buy a few more sets? And acting lessons for Skyler Samuels?
Meanwhile, in the Evil Black Car… Simone gets photos from Hoodie Stalker… which is Zane! OMG! Called it. (Did he get another camera?) So, she has the photos for Rezza, including one of Brian and Chloe, which she holds back. Clearly going to use it as leverage. Muwahahahahhhhh…
Which leaves us (OK, you) in breathless anticipation for the summer finale. Which might be the last episode, because the show remains in limbo. It hasn’t been cancelled, but it hasn’t been picked up for season two yet, either. I haz a sad. Really. No, really really.
