THE 100 RECAP: You Can’t Fight, Gentleman, We’re at War!

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Episode 305, “Hakeldama”
Written by Charlie Craig, directed by Tim Scanlan

So this episode is filled with such rampant negativity and sadness, that I’m going to go all the way to the left and try to psych us up for recapping it. Are you guys ready for everything to get FREAKING TERRIBLE??? Horror? Disillusionment? Desperation? HELL YEAH!! Let’s do this! Whoo!

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Clarke (Eliza Taylor) and Lexa (Alycia Debnam-Carey) are taking a lovely scenic ride with a few attendants and a dead body. No one can say our Heda doesn’t know how to romance! Their shameless flirting while discussing Clarke’s first return to Arkadia would be heart eye emoji and not teary eyed emoji, but everything is about to be terrible.

Ask Bellamy (Bob Morley). He’s walking in with the Farm Station bitch squad, covered in blood and sleaziness.  I am disappointed and hungry and sad. Pike (Michael Beach) gets another soap box (this time on an actual box) to talk about his “Sacred Goal” (He literally said that! Sacred Goal! How can they not know this guy is shady???) for a self-sustaining & safe Arkadia without the help of the grounders. He talks about the “message” they sent to the grounders without being too specific, gets the crowd all riled up, and then leaves to club some baby seals or something, leaving the beautiful Fmr. Chancellor Abby (Paige Turco) to wonder how ten guards could have gone up against 300 warriors with no wounded. A fair question from a beautiful sun goddess who deserves better.

And now Clexa finds out why everything is terrible. They come across the field of dead grounders, a horrifying sight because have you ever wondered how much money this show budgets for dead extras? Probably a lot.

The lone survivor of the attack is Indra (Thank God!! I would have sued). Indra (Adina Porter) tells them the story of the battle, how Pike’s people attacked while the grounders slept and Bellamy convinced Pike to let her live to deliver a message. The message (Pretty obvious, but here we go): the Sky People reject the coalition. Go away now please. Clarke & I are horrified and upset, but not as much as Lexa. She’s already planning the complete and utter decimation of Arkadia in her beautiful black-blooded brain — Jus Drein Jus Daun! The tension’s a little different between Clarke and Lexa now (obvy), but they’re still hearty-eye emoji enough that Lexa allows Clarke to use Indra’s radio to summon Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) — remember their BFF bracelets?? Unlikely friendships, you guys.

Dad Friend Marcus Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) and Octavia Blake (Marie Avgeropoulos), Avenger
Dad Friend Marcus Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) and Octavia Blake (Marie Avgeropoulos), Avenger [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
Kane can’t go, though, because remember how everything is terrible? So he sends Octavia (Marie Avgeropoulos), Indra’s former second, and lover of leaving Arkadia for literally any reason. A match up made in heaven. Kane shows her a secret exit that I guess always existed? And we just never heard about until now? O’s not complaining, already singing the Star Wars theme music in her head and mentally stabbing everyone. The hero we don’t deserve, but the one we need right now.

Pike’s war room is pretty crowded; maybe they should think about expanding or, I don’t know, not going to war. A feckless dream, since they’re discussing the annihilation of a grounder village just outside of camp. I think they’re calling it Operation Finn Collins or something to that effect?

Still, it seems Bellamy is not on board (What’s the matter Bellamy, are there more than three hundred people there? Three hundred and one? Is that the number where you just throw in the towel?). Pike notices this and clears the war room. And now, it’s time for another instance of straight up shameful manipulation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excusing Bellamy’s actions in any way. But it’s horrifying watching Pike give Bellamy his guard jacket back and fake-Dad-speeching him into staying on his side when Bellamy shows seeds of dissent and remorse for what they did. It makes you think that anyone, given the right influencing factors and stressors, is capable of terrible things.

But if I think about that too hard I’ll hurt my stupid brain and heart, so I’ll just focus all my energy on hating Pike. Bellamy takes the jacket, duh. He also runs straight into his former father figure and bestie Kane (Kane is everyone’s bestie); who gives him a real Dad speech about how he messed up real bad, son. Lincoln looks on in anger and also gets a dig in before they leave. So it appears Bellamy is losing all his friends and allies.

This will end well.

It will end well. It will. [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
It will end well. It will. [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
In the Med Center, Beautiful Abby and Jackson (Sachin Sahel) — JACKSON!!!!!!!!!!! — are treating the sick grounders Nyko delivered them. Raven (Lindsey Morgan) and her magical ponytail join them in anger. Turns out Abby didn’t medically clear her to return back to work after the Mt. Weather attack, and now Raven is having more things taken away from her. Understandably upset, she lashes out at Abby, who does say some pretty insensitive things. Even sun goddesses can lapse, I suppose.

Oh hey guys look who’s here it’s Crazy Jaha (Isaiah Washington)! Remember him? I’d understand if you didn’t since we haven’t seen him for about two episodes. I guess all he was doing was just, like, hiking here? Probably good they didn’t cover that; last time they showed us a Jaha hiking trip it was really boring and everybody died. His A.L.I.E. hallucination (Erica Cerra) and new recruit in tow, Jaha approaches the gates of Arkadia. However, he showed up with a grounder in a newly non-grounder-friendly encampment, so of course that guy immediately dies. Death doesn’t exist in the City of Light though, so Jaha’s not too bothered by it. Abby arrives, looking radiant and confused, to see her sometimes-friend Thelonius and a dead guy.

What a weird day for Abby Griffin, y’all.

"Do I look bothered?" [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
“Do I look bothered?” [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
In a random forest somewhere, a guy with a dope hat crosses paths with Murphy (Richard Harmon), unfortunately for him. I guess Murphy has now taken to pretending to be dead on forest paths and robbing people. It suits him. Emori (Luisa D’Oliveira), his hot partner in crime and makeout buddy and second part of the trap, leaves the guy conscious for long enough for him to spit out some weird grounder curse then make out with Murphy some more (joke’s on you, cool hat guy, her brother’s already dead). Looks like everyone’s having a weird day.

Crazy Jaha is catching up with Beautiful Abby. Beautiful Abby points out that he left with twelve people when he went on his crazy spiritual walkabout and returned with zero, but they are interrupted by Great Hair Kane! Kane reunites with yet another one of his Best Friends Squad, freshly from being fired along with Lincoln. He’s excited to see Jaha, since the war he predicted back in S2 is definitely happening right now, but his beautiful wife friend and confidante Abby interrupts the fun by subtly letting Kane know that Jaha’s gone nanners. Jaha, at least, is acutely self-aware of how he sounds (or his A.L.I.E. headcanon is letting him know), but they’re interrupted by Monty’s Mom! Whom I am unfortunately forced to hate as she summons Jaha to Pike’s war room. Or, as Pike likes to call it, the fun zone.

Looks like Pike and Jaha were pretty good buds up on the Ark. They talk about where their journeys have taken them while subtly grilling each other, Jaha giving his stump speech about how he’ll free Arkadia from “the bonds of physical and emotional pain.” Gotta love one thing about wackadoo cult leaders: they’re consistent. Jaha convinces Pike to let him evangelize all over town, and I gotta say, lowkey here, this scene has some of the greatest dialogue I’ve ever seen on this show. The back-and-forth between Pike and Jaha is very acerbic and Good-Wifeian, and A.L.I.E.’s interjections add something when Jaha’s responses are addressed to both Pike and his hallucination. Clever writing. It really displays the strength of this show— I am enthralled and impressed by this scene when I don’t like any of the characters in it.

Isaiah Washington and Michael Beach as Alicia Florrick and Eli Gold - channeling "The Good Wife" [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
Isaiah Washington and Michael Beach as Alicia Florrick and Eli Gold – channeling “The Good Wife” [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
Outside the walls, Octavia is walking slowly through the field of very dedicated extras. This being the culture she adopted, and you know, her being a human being, she’s horrified and distraught. But she shows up to the Clexa love nest and delivers the bad news: Pike won the election and now everything just sucks so much. Clarke still thinks she can salvage the situation by finding Bellamy — it’s either willful ignorance, faith in her once-best friend, desperation or all three. But Clarke insists to Lexa that getting to Bellamy will get them to Pike, so Octavia volunteers to sneak Clarke back into camp to meet him.

Smash cut to Emurphy, who are doing neither of their favorite things: making out and stealing from people. Murphy’s trying to decide where to pillage next, but sweet sweet Emori is determined to go after her brother and save him from Jaha’s clutches (viewers may remember Emori’s brother as the guy who died like fifteen minutes ago). Murphy decries the plan, saying going after Otan (Mik Byskov) is “not a survivor’s move”. As Crazy Jaha’s convo with Abby earlier mentioned, Murphy is nothing if not a survivor. And “in this world”, surviving means not following your girlfriend to chase after her cult-brainwashed brother, so Murphy dips.

Radiant Healer of Mortals Abby Griffin is busy back in Arkadia having all her grounder patients kidnapped and imprisoned before her eyes. Lincoln (Ricky Whittle) arrives, equally as indignant and sexy, ready to straight up start. Some. Noise. Do it, Lincoln! Punch that janky white guy who keeps shooting people right in his ugly shooting face! Wreck him! And he almost finishes him off (and gets a good in shot at Bellamy as well), before Pike and his stupid dumb evil dictator goatee threaten to kill Lincoln’s sick and injured friend. Lincoln, being the poster boy for Lawful Good and an actual hero, lays down his fists and is interned along with the rest of the grounders. Feelings update: rage and indignation.

Nearby on the grounds of Arkadia, Jaha is preaching to some randos. He’s got a sizeable congregation going (one of whom is dressed eerily like Finn, with Finn’s exact haircut but a less good face) when Raven arrives. Raven, who, stripped of her job, now has to resort to metaphorically blowing things up, decides to blow up Jaha’s hippie fest. A.L.I.E. singles her out immediately, as predatorial cult leaders are wont to do, as the most vulnerable of the group. She’s right, but still…. Jaha hands her the weird breath strip of crazy, calling it “the key to the City of Light”, and her salvation and all that junk. Raven tells him to shove it and shuffles away while Jaha smiles infuriatingly.

Blake Sibling Smackdown [photo: Katie Yu/The CW]
Blake Sibling Smackdown [photo: Katie Yu/The CW]
The grounders are being locked up in the exact same place Pike and his followers were imprisoned not forty-eight hours earlier, and Octavia chooses that moment to show up and initiate the Blake siblings’ showdown of the century. While they strut through the halls in unison, Bellamy warns Octavia for the first time in a while to quit “playing grounder” before things explode. Octavia throws that in his face and this, too: Clarke is here, you guys!! The Bellamy/Clarke reunion is on. Feelings update: steeling myself for pain.

Things are, naturally, a bit tense. The scene is played out perfectly: with Clarke trying to diffuse the tension and Bellamy gaining anger with steam as he lashes out all his grievances with Clarke. She tries to appeal to the leader in him who has been trying to stave off war with her, but Bellamy shuts her down. He does this by… reminding us that he’s kind of always been an ass? He gave an impassioned speech about going to war with grounders back in the season finale of S1, remember? As the ball keeps rolling, emotions keep getting higher and higher until they finally hit the root of it: “You left me! You left everyone.”

Feelings update:

Oh man, I can’t even keep going. It’s coming at you from all sides; Clarke is trying to find her friend in the man in front of her, someone she’s fought battles and won wars with who is now intent on ending the peace she’s worked so hard for. Bellamy is raw and reeling from the past few days, unable to really process everything but still in that weird rage-ey place Pike wants him in to keep him compliant. He’s still hurt by Clarke’s abandonment, something he’s probably never discussed with anyone before, let alone her. So he rants and gets rid of everything he’s kept locked down, while they both get choked up and I abandon tissues completely in lieu of letting the tears simply overtake my face.

Good call, because when Clarke finally chokes out the apology she’s probably also been holding in for quite some time, I am actually more tears than human. “I’m sorry I left. But I knew I could, because they had you.” THIS. IS. THE WORST.  No, the worst worst is when he takes her hand, Clarke smiles for like the second time in a year (I need to be careful what I wish for), and then immediately handcuffs her to a desk and walks away, ignoring her cries. Looks like it’s time to disembark this ship, y’all. All ashore that’s going ashore.

As I am in more pain than I can physically contemplate, the shade of Raven Reyes appears and I legit just give up, you guys. Raven has hit her lowest point. Disabled, virtually friendless, unable to perform the job she loves and pushed aside by almost everyone, Raven Reyes is actually at rock bottom. So of course, Jaha shows up. Actually feeding off her misery and hopelessness. He eggs her on, and Raven finally has had enough. “Everyone thinks they have an idea on how to help me feel better. Stay in camp. Only do jobs where I can sit down. Ask every time I need something on a high shelf! But you know what? I’m not that person! People think I can just change, and my pain will go away, but I can’t!” Feelings update: No.

After her meltdown, Raven recedes back into her own stew of despair, only for Jaha to leave her with the magic breath strip of crazy and depart on the most infuriating, cult-ey, predatory thing he could possibly say: “What have you got to lose?”

Everything sucks so much all the time you guys.

Speaking of sucking, Bellamy and the janky looking white dude Lincoln pwn’d are escorting Clarke to Pike. She pleads with him, to which he replies he’s “doing this for [her] own good” (??? There’s no part of him that can really believe that, is there?), but they’re both shocked when Octavia Rambo slides in and demolishes Mr. Janky, allowing Clarke to escape. This is only after Clarke zaps Bellamy while Octavia is forced to look away, because I love suffering!!!

The Creation of Adam, Michelangelo, 1511, Fresco [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
The Creation of Adam, Michelangelo, 1511, Fresco [photo: Cate Cameron/The CW]
Our heroines escape into Kabby’s loving parental arms. They discuss handing Pike over to Lexa, but seeing as that would be technically considered a coup and also incredibly hard and stupid, Kane shuts it down. He also hands Octavia a radio and sets her loose outside camp, because since his whole thing with Bellamy went south, Octavia is Kane’s new son. I finally get the Griffin Family Moment I have been praying for when Clarke begs Abby to come with her, which would be great but I’m dead inside now so I can’t appreciate it. Abby wishes she could, but of course being the only Doctor/Goddess in Arkadia she can’t leave. I find it strange that in the Pilot, Abby claimed that Clarke’s desire to protect everyone before herself came from her father, because that’s clearly something she inherited maternally.

Murphy is setting up his latest scam when Emori happens upon him and immediately disses his VFX makeup. She’s decided not to go after her (remember, already dead) brother until she can convince John to go with her. She is very confident that she can, and so am I. However, as they quickly set up their next trap, all is instantly shot to shoot. The travelers are not travelers, but enforcers looking for Emurphy, since robbing a crap ton of people is bound to grab you some attention. As they try to coerce Murphy into giving up Emori, they come across the magic infinity breath strip thingy Jaha gave Murphy way back in the season opener. “The Sacred Symbol”, one of them exclaims, and there’s a shift. Now it looks like Murphy’s going to meet Lexa. Hoo boy!

Back at the grounder internment camp, everything is obviously awful, but Miller (Jarod Joseph) shows up! And talks! Oh man, the weirdest things make me happy now. But as he smack talks with Lincoln through the bars (time warp back to season one, when he was torturing him? Wild, man, wild), he slips in some medicine from the beautiful and benevolent Abby for Lincoln’s sick friend. He also lets him know that Octavia escaped camp with Clarke, because Nathan Miller is outstanding and I need thirty thousand percent more of him.

Lexa and Indra are discussing war tactics in the Tent of Too Many Candles. Clarke chooses then to show up and take a wide wide wide swing for the fences; entreating Lexa to turn the other cheek and abandon the mentality of war. Lexa is now presented with the two things she loves most in the world: peace and Clarke. And all she has to do is let the murder of three hundred of her own people go unanswered. “Someone has to take the first step. Let it be you,” Clarke begs, and despite Indra’s protests, Lexa agrees. Because she loves peace, and really really really wants to bang Clarke. Does this mean my second favorite phrase in the show is being phased out? Stay tuned.

In Arkadia, Raven Reyes is crying alone in the rain. Of course she is. Where is literally everyone? Jasper, Abby, Monty, Miller, Harper, Monroe, literally any of 48, any one of the people who owe their lives to Raven Reyes multiple times over? Nowhere. So Raven, feeling like there is no possible way out of the pit she was thrown into, takes the magic sacred wafer whatever and, when it does nothing, miserably gets up and leaves. As she shuffles back to camp, the limp leg that she has been used to dragging behind her suddenly moves, useful again, despite Abby’s assurances that it would never heal. Suddenly, Crazy Jaha isn’t the only one in Arkadia who can see A.L.I.E. “Time to get back to work, Raven,” she says fondly.

BOOM. What?

Alright, well, everything happened. Raven’s two season long journey of getting torn down deeper and deeper has all been so she could be swept up into Jaha’s cult when she had nowhere else to go. Bellamy has come in some sort of hellish full-circle, a more empathetic and better-coiffed version of his season one self. Octavia is a super spy, Clarke and Lexa are definitely gonna bang now, and Lincoln is once again imprisoned by Sky People. What a world.

What I’m honestly most worried about is how Lexa’s people are going to respond to this lack of action. As Indra pointed out, it won’t go over great with Titus and the others. Will this be what leads to Lexa’s oft-foreshadowed death? I hope not but am preparing myself. Then again I thought I was prepared for Gina (RIP), and Maya (RIP), and Finn (RIP), and I straight up was not. I am never prepared. I will never be prepared. I’m just gonna sit down, shut up, eat ten bags of frosted animal crackers and let this show pummel me into emotional oblivion.

Happy Sunday!

 

The 100 airs Thursdays at 9/8c on The CW.

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