Someone Should Apologize for CHLOE KING

THE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING
Episode 4: “All Apologies”

[all photos: ABC Family]

Apologies for the delay in this recap (ahem…pardon the pun). It’s been one of those weeks…

OK. Onward!

This week’s episode starts off with more Parkour on the rooftops. Chloe is training with Jessica and Alek (but where are the hoodies?). Jessica has some advice about how Chloe won’t see the assassins’ knives coming, and she should assume there are obstacles, and then she and Alek jump across an alley. Chloe barely makes it, because she’s, like, sixteen and stuff and doesn’t trust her Mai instincts because she’s being – as Alek puts it – “a little scaredy-human”. Chloe, street pizza. Almost.

Maybe next time. She’s got eight lives left, right?

So, after some Mom time, where Chloe lies about the hole in her jeans, she’s off to school, where she can use her Mai superhearing to stop crime and save the — wait. No. She uses it to eavesdrop on her classmates. And after Alek warns her that she should use her powers for Good, she goes off and uses them — to eavesdrop on Amy, her best friend, who’s seriously thinking of getting a new best friend. Seriously.

Oh, this is bad.

Kitty Hat Brian is hiding something. He blows of seeing a movie with Chloe. They do the whole “she starts to speak and then turns around, then he starts to speak” thing. Castle did it better this past season.

Brian’s father gets confronted by someone in the Order, who’s apparently higher up and represents the faction of the Order that’s not happy Rezzer took matters into his own hands and tried to eliminate “the girl”. (Why do the villains always use pronouns like that?) And this conversation is being overheard by Jessica’s mother, Valentina — who knows how to use her powers for Good.

Seeing the scene in the store where Chloe “works” – and I mean that really loosely – I’m struck by the fact that I’d have fired Chloe a long time ago. That, and the obligatory iPhone close-up just annoys me.

And then a bit of actually decent writing. Chloe sees Paul in the bookstore next door and asks if everything’s OK. Paul has the best bit – about the racial sterotypes of Asians in the superhero stories. Speaking directly to the idea that Asians are generally one-dimensional, either the dumb comic relief or the ninja type, he then asks why Chloe hasn’t asked him to be the sidekick! It’s very meta and ironic, and it’s the first scene in four episodes that I actually appreciate.

Chloe has a Spider-sense moment with her boss, Lana (where have I heard that name before?). The boss is terrified of something, and Jessica tells Chloe this is not a usual Mai power. Of course.

Delivery guy shows up with cupcakes. Chloe decides to be helpful and give him Lana’s home address, because he’s got the wrong one. Now, the guy’s not wearing a uniform, presents no ID or delivery ticket or anything. Chloe is an idiot. Either that, or the writers think we are… She shakes hands with the delivery guy, and some Mai Spidey-sense thing happens, and she flattens delivery guy!

Valentina tells Chloe this empathy was a power all Mai had at one point, according to legend. Chloe most likely has it because she’s the Uniter. But until she controls it, she should probably limit her contact with humans. And Chloe remembers she’s supposed to have contact with her humans – Amy and Paul.

“I guess cats can’t read clocks,” is Amy’s opening line. Meow. Paul has another nice zinger, calling the empathy a “Mai Meld”.  Amy leaves in a huff, thinking she might actually shop for a new best friend, because the Chloe she knows wouldn’t eavesdrop on conversations…

“Gilmore Girls”-lite time! Tension in the room as Mom tries to give advice, but Chloe’s not having any. Sad kitty…

Alek takes Chloe out to a busy busy part of town, where he teaches her in about ten seconds, how to control her hearing. Of course, he’s yapping the whole time. Who could hear anything with this guy talking so much? He says, “Listen to my heartbeat”. And we have adoring kitty faces between the two.

Back at “work”, Lana confronts Chloe. Delivery Guy is actually Lana’s ex, and he’s the reason Lana moved. And Chloe’s fired!

Chloe and Jasmine blow off training and opt for ice cream. Chloe tries to get a couple of Mai to watch over Lana (you know, the boss who doesn’t like her and just fired her…). Jasmine tells Chloe the Order is back in town, and that’s not a good thing.

But a picnic with Kitty Hat is! (OMG, just reading some of the comments on ABC Family’s show page, I get sticky.) Brian’s back to find out what happened to his mother. He has a safe deposit box key, but he doesn’t know where it goes.

The shop’s been ransacked. Chloe’s sure it’s Jesse, Lana’s ex. (Now, here’s that whole “the writers think we’re stupid” thing kicks in. Chloe has just walked through a crime scene. And the cops said nothing about it! They don’t ask who she is, why she’s there, what she knows… and then she unlocks the door leading to the book store, thus allowing more access to said crime scene. There are so many things wrong with this scene. Oh, wait. I’m not the target demographic. Have to remember that.) Snarky little kitty Amy and sidekick-wannabe Paul are in the bookstore. More emotional stuff.

You know, I’m amazed that these wild conversations about killing and assassins and cat powers and etc. etc. happen out in the open where anyone can hear… Oh, wait. There I go, thinking again.

Sorry.

More “Gilmore” (trying to be, anyway) about Lana’s problems. Then Kitty Hat and his Dad talk in the office Kitty Hat’s been searching (by just flipping open a file folder. I don’t think his heart’s in it.) Chloe calls Lana – the girl who fired her – and leaves another message.  Amy calls for forgiveness, becomes Chloe’s Batmobile to go over to Lana’s to check on her. Hearing a confrontation, she breaks into the apartment. Lana’s on the ground. Jesse has a stool ready to crack Chloe’s head open.

I’m detecting a pattern here. 45 minutes of talk talk talk talk talk… and then an action sequence at the end of the show. P. T. Barnum is on the production staff. I just know it.

You know that thing Spider-Man does, where he pops off with the sarcasm in the midst of a fight? Yeah, Chloe King can’t do it as well. But she gets her job back.

Confrontation between Rezzer and Valentina. She threatens him and Kitty Hat Brian.

Training. Chloe makes the jump.

Chloe and Valentina, who says Chloe took an unnecessary risk. Chloe says she’s following her instincts. Valentina says the whole world is going to come after her because she’s the Uniter. To which Chloe responds as Dirty Harry: “Let it come.”

Uhm… ok.

[Official Show Site at ABC Family]