Mr. Smythe Spells Out Gaime of Throans

Episode 2.3 “What is Dead May Never Die”

[photos: Helen Sloan/HBO]

Apparently, for the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some issues with spelling, specifically, the spelling of GRRM’s character’s names in Game of Thrones. Thank you’s go to my friend that commented, detailing each instance with almost Rain Man-like accuracy. I happen to know that he has actually read The Silmarillion, considered by some to be the most feared title in the JRRT collection. (Editor’s Note: You can pick up a copy in our store.) My thought, based on his comments, is that because he managed to make it all the way through that book, and many others, he is now much more well accustomed to writers that choose to use too many letters to spell words that really aren’t that difficult to pronounce.

That got me thinking.

Spelling things oddly is not at all uncommon in fantasy literature. It’s necessary, I suppose, to make the reader feel like the characters are alien, or fantastical; or to instantly immerse a reader into a new world. For example, which of the following is from the weirdest place: Amy, Aimee, or Aiymiey? Bob, Tucker, or Brothfordasdundensonilfer (pronounced ‘broth-ford-as-dun-den-so-NILF-er’)? I bet, when you read those names, you even began to imagine to what type of characters those names might belong. Aiymiey sounds like she could be a very high-maintenance royal-type, while Aimee might be a modest, yet beautiful scullery maid. Brothfordasdundensonilfer sounds like either an accountant of the realm, or something equally annoying, and he probably talks entirely too much, while Tucker might have once been in a fraternity. Well, that’s how that shakes out in my head. Reader results may vary.

So, what I thought I’d do this week, is write the wrap-up from the point of view of each principal character, the way I think they might write, using something I call “fantasy-phonics.”

Mye Lorde Fahthah,

Wat ay weeyk et hais beyn. Aye waas ayble teu diteyrmyne hoo hais beyn dysloyale teu theh Handd uv theh Kyng. Yew wunte bileiyve yt. Pycelle. Aye gnoe, rytte? Seau aye gawt ryde of theh buhggyr. Oah, Ainde Aye em deyfynytilly NAWT gehttyng Llaydd.

Aye weel sehnd ahnothah croah sewwn.


Dear Mummy, and Robb too Y guess,

Styll on the way home. Kynda. We got captured by some soldiers working for the kyng. And here Y thought we were makyng progress. Y saved some guis from burnyng up though. So that’s good.

Wysh Y had some paper to wryte thys on, instead of yn the dyrt.


¤ ¤ ¤


I hope this reaches you in time. My father has rejected the offer and plans to attack the north, raiding the shores and taking Deepwood Matte. Mobilize your army and make for the north before it’s too late. I’ll write again when I can.


¤ ¤ ¤

Dear Diary,

I tho wish I could talk to thomeone. Anyone. I’m tho thad. I’m just not thexually attracted to my own queen. I think she wanth to have a three-way with me and Lorrith. That thoundth thuper dithguthting to me. Having her there. Thtaring at uth. Thigh. Woe ith me. And Lorrith too. But my theed mutht take purchath tho I can thmite my enemieth.

(Diary of Renley Baratheon, dated sometime before winter came)

¤ ¤ ¤

And that’s my wrap-up for this week. Hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you’ll be back next week. Tucker.

Mr. Smith

[Official Show Site at HBO]     [Previous recap: “The Night Lands”]

Curtis Smith

Curtis Smith, a native of Curtistan, is an actor, whip maker, and musician.

One thought on “Mr. Smythe Spells Out Gaime of Throans

  • April 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I suppose my original comment didn’t go through. DAMN! Well writ, and well done. That was hilarious. And you served me well, ser.


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