THE WALKING DEAD Returns, Bringing Harvey, Adair and Smith With It!
Season 3, Episode 9 “The Suicide King”
[photos: Gene Page/AMC]
DUSTIN: So we’re back.
TIMOTHY: Yes.
It feels like we have been away for a long time.
Really? I would say the opposite.
It was November last time we recapped, right?
Errrr… Yes.
Long time.
If you insist.
So I really don’t have any predictions tonight.
Oh, c’mon. Try.
SIGH. Okay:
- Andrea will continue to be the worst thing ever.
- Michonne will be selectively mute to develop drama.
- Meryl and Daryl will somehow survive their current situation, not so much because it’s logical, but because Daryl’s death will spark riots among the Fan Girls that could possibly end up causing a zombie apocalypse.
That last one… is actually probably spot on. The first two though… aren’t those kinda givens?
Hush you. I have powers.
ON TO THE RECAP!!
Wait! Ahem. Once again, Mr. Adair and I bring you our thoughts and commentary on AMC’s The Walking Dead, with Mr. Smith rocking the Twitter-verse, tonight from his own abode. The following contains SPOILERS, much that is inappropriate and you has been warned.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Here we go. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
So we jump right in, seconds after the last episode ended. Daryl and Merle are still standing in the center of that group of angry villagers. The Governor still looks all battered and war worn. Andrea is still…. Andrea.
The Governor tells Merle that the only way he can prove his loyalty is to kill Daryl in a fight to the death.
Andrea runs out to try to stop the insanity, but of course, since she is Andrea, it does not work.
By the way, the villagers look particularly gross. I guess they are showing their true colors now.
There aren’t that many of them there… huh. Would have thought there’d be a bigger crowd for the blood sport.
Merle makes a speech that he is loyal to the town, then starts beating the crap out of Daryl. Then a couple of walkers are brought in and the crowd really gets into it.
Yeah, this a great town to live in, what with all the psycho neighbours. Yeesh.
Daryl starts to try to fight back a little, Merle whispers that he has a plan and of course, because it’s Merle, the plan is going to be terrible.
The plan is to attack the walkers while Andrea crawls around on the outskirts pleading for mercy.
I just hate you so much, Merle.
This is a plan? Mmmmkay.
Suddenly, Rick and Maggie are there with semiautomatic weapons! They shoot the hell out of the villagers, killing a couple and killing a couple of walkers, too.
Andrea of course runs the wrong direction, because she’s stupid.
The Governor is cool as a cucumber as he shoots some walkers and heads off to safety.
Yeah, take a look at his face. He’s wanting this. Pretty sure that’s a smile there. Way to play into the crazy guy’s hands, Rick. Not sure what else you could have done there, but still.
Andrea picks up a gun from that girl who was terrible with a bow and arrow from a couple of weeks ago. She’s dead. Instead of shooting walkers or warning people out of the area, she kneels there and looks sad. It’s a little dark and confusing, but I can see that clearly.
Merle helps Team Zombie escape, but Rick and Maggie are really conflicted about it. I guess being beaten and almost raped will do that to a girl. When they leave Woodbury, they leave a section of fence open and, of course, walkers find it.
When they get to the place where the rest of Team Zombie is waiting, Michonne and Glen are not enthused to see Merle either. Glenn, of course, wants to murder him. Merle uses this opportunity to undermine every single person who just risked their lives to rescue him.
Merle is a delight.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
I like that Merle can’t go five seconds without reminding us he’s a racist @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Well, we did have that stretch of time when Merle came back that I was wondering what happened to the old awful Merle, and who this new “Merle-Lite” version was. Clearly he just needed to be reunited with the old gang to bring out his true self again. Hooray?
Rick asks Michonne if she knew Andrea and she says… nothing. Which is par for the course.
Because hey, why actually be helpful in any way?
Merle recaps what happened in Woodbury over the last half of the season, and pretty concisely, I might add. But he’s still the worst person ever, so Rick knocks him out.
Finally. Sheesh.
Meanwhile back at the prison, Hershel is patching up The Tailies. Daughter Fodder enters with the Baby Asskicker and Shovel gets all cooey over her. Hershel says that Asskicker is a week old.
That is not a week old baby.
Do I need to explain to you about how the fiction thing works?
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
What’s her name? Asskicker? @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Shut it. Shovel thinks Daughter Fodder is the mother, so that leads to awkward.
Tyreese monologues about how hard it is out there for the humans. He gives a little history about what happened to him and his group. Apparently there was a bunker and a bunch more of them before they were slowly picked off. It’s sad or whatever.
Then everyone makes prison jokes.
Hershel tells Tyreese that they might get kicked out when Rick returns to the prison, and then leaves them to their cell block. This show is so cheery, you guys.
Out on the road, Glenn, Rick, Daryl and Maggie talk about what they are going to do with Merle and Michonne. Daryl says he will leave with Merle if they don’t allow him back in the prison. Rick does not relent, because: King Duh.
So Team Zombie heads off without them.
They will be back.
OK, you get the feeling this is padding? I mean, the setup for padding? We already had the Woodbury story and the Prison story and now we have the Daryl/Merle story… I’m having a shades of Sophia moment here.
Michonne gets to come, but it will only be for medical treatment, then she is getting kicked out. Yeah, that will happen.
Meanwhile at the prison, The Tailies are burying the girl what’s her name that died. One of The Tailies is an idiot; he wants to take out Team Zombie and take over the prison, and he has no idea what he is talking about. Because Carl will kill the @#$% out of him.
This was the funniest moment of the show. I mean, “It’s just a woman and a boy”. Hahahahahaha. Oh these two aren’t long for the world, kids.
Before a decision can be made, Daughter Fodder and Hillbilly arrive with tools to help with the digging and effectively end the conversations.
At this point I realize that I use a lot of nicknames for characters on this show. I really couldn’t tell you what their real names are at this point.
Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. I would be your Mr. Harvey, here with your handy-dandy “Dustin to Reality” Conversion Table. Here we will take some of Mr. Adair’s, mmmmm, creative appellations for our cast and translate them into the actual names of the characters. Ahem.
- Daughter Fodder = Maggie Greene
- Hillbilly = Axel
- Shovel = Sasha
- Baby Asskicker = Judith Grimes
- The Scientist = Milton Mamet
- Medium Tiny = Oscar
- What’s Her Name That Died = Donna
This has been a service of Your Walking Dead Review Staff.
Those. Yes. Meanwhile, there is a truck and a tree in the way of the road. The road that they had to drive down to get to Woodbury. The day before. Oh, show.
Because continuity has been so good before.
Glenn stomps a walker to death because Glenn is pissed because Rick didn’t kill The Governor, there is a yelling match. It’s all very dramatic. Glenn is mad as hell ad he’s not going to take it anymore.
Meanwhile: @#$%-ing Andrea.
She and the scientist walk through the town, talking about boys, and gossiping about their hair, until they get to the gates, where a bunch of townsfolk are asking to be let out. The Gate guards are not having it, and there is a near riot.
Then walkers attack the gates and Andrea tries to make peace. But of course, she fails and makes things even worse.
Suddenly, walkers attack from the other side of town. Andrea and another guard go over and put them down.
Some dude was bitten and Andrea stands over him and begs for someone else to step up and do something. It’s almost like she has never been in this situation before. It’s basically gross.
Sure, because letting him suffer is so much better. ANDREA! He’s already dead! Sheesh!
Finally, The Governor comes out and shoots the guy in the face. Way to be consistently useless, Andrea.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Double Double Tap. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Ok, we know the Governor is all crazy and horrible, but one must give the crazy and horrible guy some credit here. That would be a mercy killing, and somebody had to do it, since Andrea is useless.
Carol and Carl are hanging out at the gate, waiting for the away team to return. Carol muses how quiet the world is now while Carl is like: seriously?
It’s a good bit… they’re really writing Carol well this season.
Then she talks about how proud Lori was of Carl and he says that all he can think about now is how mean he was to her. Carol tries to tell him not to think that way, but they don’t have long to talk before the away team returns.
Um Carol? That’s a very nice thing to say, but Carl’s right. He was a horrible child.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Can’t wait for Carl’s next rampage! @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Rick and Carl hug while Carol checks for Daryl. Finally, Rick tells her about Merle and how Daryl left with him. At first she is very upset, but slowly, she regains her composure.
Carol is proving that she is a much better character than Comic Carol, she is upset, but not broken.
Carl asks about Medium Tiny and there is a period of mourning, for Daryl, not for Medium Tiny, let’s not get crazy.
Back in Woodbury, The Governor is in a snit. Andrea enters and tries to talk to him. She’s all like “You need to be a leader!” Then she’s like: “Stop being a thing!” And The Governor is all: “We are at war!”
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Needs an eyepatch upgrade if he’s gonna embrace the evil. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
He then tells her a version of the truth and proceeds to be horrible to her. Of course it makes her want him even more.
Andrea, grow some ovaries.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
The Governor is sweating like Jim Jones on Media Day. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
At this point, any sane person would be… nevermind, this is Andrea we’re talking about. But c’mon… this is just stupid.
At the prison, there are hugs for everyone and Daughter Fodder gives Rick a very obvious kiss.
Er… that was… interesting.
Hershel is magnanimous about the nature of The Governor’s sick mind, but he warns that this might be a good time to start looking for reinforcements. Where might we find such cannon fodder? Well….
Carl is standing guard over The Tailies when Rick enters with the rest of Team Zombie. He doesn’t even look in The Tailies direction as he stalks into their side of the cell block. After the snub, Tyreese tells the others when the time comes, he will handle the negotiations.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Hershel should consider reporting that facility re: the Americans with Disabilities Act. Needs ramps.
@SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Daughter Fodder hands Baby Asskicker over to Rick and she cries in his arms and Rick goes all PTSD on her. I see drama in the future for this pair.
Did you have a second there where you thought Rick was going to drop her? Cause I did. You ok there, Rick?
Back at Woodbury, The Scientist is trying to calm down the idiot citizens, but without The Governor or Merle he’s just an uppity homo. Won’t some manly man come and rescue him from the crowd? No. Okay, I guess Andrea will do. Andrea makes a speech about how hard life is and how we all have to band together and how love will overcome or whatever. If it wasn’t so trite, I might have actually been on board.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
A pep talk? Really? @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Gods yes, this speech… this speech is awful. Who are these idiot people, that this sort of drivel is convincing to them?
You know what: No. Andrea is one of the BEST CHARACTERS in the comic. She is strong and capable and a BAD ASS SNIPER. SHE IS A LEADER. She does not whine and fall into bed with any man who can protect her. She does not turn a blind eye to the madness around her. She addresses it. She fights it. Now, I am not saying, (and have never said) that the television adaptation of The Walking Dead has to be a direct copy of the comic book version. In fact, I applaud the differences for the most part. I love TV Carol. I love Daryl. Lori’s death in the comic was shocking and frightening, and her death in the TV show was sad and moving.
These differences make it possible for audiences who enjoy both to be surprised and interested and to not know what is going to happen from day-to-day in both media. I want the TV show and the comic (and the video game, for that matter) to be different and interesting.
But I HATE ANDREA SO MUCH. I hate that she’s glib and weak and basically a mouthpiece for the worst possible ideas that the writers have. I hate that she is short-sighted. I hate that she puts what she knows is right on the back burner for her safety. I hate that she will fall into bed with the worst possible men simply for the sake of her own protection. I hate that when she chooses these terrible men, she gloms on to them no matter how obviously horrifying-ly bad they are. I hate that when she walked into a ROOM full of FISH TANKS WITH HEADS IN THEM and her BEST FRIEND standing over the MAN THAT PUT THE HEADS IN THE FISH TANKS she did not SEE what was IN FRONT OF HER and put a BULLET in The Governor’s brain.
It irritates me that as good as season 3 has been, every time Andrea is on-screen with that simpering look on her face, I want to put a boot through my TV.
So needless to say, I was not as moved as the Idiot Townsfolk were by Andrea’s speech. I just hope The Governor knows that as soon as a man more capable of protecting her comes along, Andrea will be out of there like a shot.
Well, one better come along pretty damn quick, because clearly she’s not leaving on her own, for reasons only the writers can understand. And that was a thing of beauty sir. Well said.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
‘mer’ca. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Daughter Fodder takes Baby Asskicker up to where Carol is doing laundry and they talk about the fragility of life. And how Daryl was the one that was the one.
Carol talks about what it’s like to be an abused wife and how she hopes she is stronger now than she was when she was with her dirt bag husband. Or Daryl was when Merle returned. She is so the best. I hope nothing but long life and happiness for her. This is a character that the TV show has done amazing justice to.
She really is. As awful as Andrea has been written, as awful as Lori was written most of the time, although I was liking how they were handling her this season, it’s Carol who really has been handled so very, very well. I like Carol, and if they screw her up, well…
Glenn is being patched up by Hershel. Glenn talks about how much he hates Merle. Right there with you, baby. Maggie arrives and there is a silence because she doesn’t want the think about what happened to her in Woodbury. Or Glenn doesn’t. Either way, it is too much for the two of them to bear to be in the same cell right now, so she leaves. After some encouraging words to Glenn, Hershel goes to check on Maggie.
They’ve come a long way from when Glenn was the “Asian boy”. OK, clearly he’s not dealing well with what happened, and that seems pretty right to me. He couldn’t protect Maggie, and it’s eating him up. She’s just trying to move on, but they don’t have the words to talk to each other the right way. Almost strange to see this show deal with something this real. Huh.
Maggie is cleaning up. Hershel comes in and they talk about how she and Glenn are holding back and not sharing their experiences in Woodbury with the rest of the group, or with each other. Hershel tells her that she can talk to him whenever she wants. Maggie is like her mother. This makes me think Daughter Fodder must be like the mailman.
Hershel warns Maggie not to ‘disappear.’ Whatever that means.
That would mean “don’t pull into yourself so much that I lose you.” Light touch Hershel. Good for you.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Glen and Maggie. Man. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Michonne must be somewhere catching up on her TiVo.
No, actually, Michonne is asleep in a cell. This might be the first time she has felt safe in nearly a year. Get your nap on, Girl. Rick arrives and asks about her prognosis, not because he wants cares about her well-being, but because he wants her out of there as soon as possible. Hershel tells him that she’s probably got a concussion and it will probably be a few days. Rick wants her out of there.
Honestly? I kinda do too. Danai Gurira is excellent, and Michonne has her moments, but she’s no damn help at all! Her silent act is just getting ridiculous, and half of the Woodbury mess is because she just won’t open her damn mouth.
Hillbilly thinks of Medium Tiny and is sad. Hillbilly? Ain’t you know that only one black guy is allowed on this show at a time?
He’s new. He’ll figure it out.
Hershel and the rest of Team Zombie try and convince Rick that this is not the time to be sending people away from the prison, but I don’t think Rick is buying it.
Then they go in and talk to The Tailies.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Rick Rick Rick. Be a sport for once. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
Tyreese introduces himself and he says all the right things about how he and his group will be helpful and quiet and good soldiers and they are all housebroken and whatever else he can think of to get rick to let them stay.
But Rick says no.
Rick has become a king jerk. Stop being a jerk, Rick. Tyreese says that is they are sent out it is a death sentence. Hershel even tells Rick to @#$% off and stop being dumb. It looks like it’s going to be okay, but then Rick looks up and sees Lori standing on a walkway above them.
Excellent. Rick has lost it. He pulls a gun and starts yelling incoherently.
The Tailies run and well, I don’t know.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Carl’s hat is totally behind it. And so is his wife?? Woohoo! Rick’s crazy!!!! @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
OK, then. Rick would not be ok. I’d be running too if all I’d heard is, “Wait till Rick gets back, he’ll decide,” and then when Rick gets back, he pretty much establishes that his connection to reality is tenuous at best. Tyreese & Co. are probably thinking it’s safer out in the zombie-infested woods, ’cause the leader of these folks is out of his damn mind. Oh, and welcome back Lori. I suppose.
And there you have it! TWD is back and, well, eh. This episode didn’t do much for me. Probably all the awful Woodbury stuff. And Andrea. Speaking of which, your predictions. Such as they are.
They are excellent predictions as I’m sure you’ll find.
Mmmm hmmm. Let’s see. Number one, yeah yeah, Andrea awful, yeah yeah. Too easy, sir.
Is it wrong?
No. No it isn’t. Number two.
Told you.
Shush. Number two. Michonne, yeah yeah silent. Again, too easy.
Again…
Number three! This is dead on, especially the shortage on logic part. Because as far as I can tell, Merle’s plan made no sense at all. Three out of three. With two of them just lazy, in my opinion.
But all right, nonetheless. And our Moral this week?
Our Moral is QUIT BEING SO DAMN AWFUL ANDREA!
That’s… not a moral.
Those… weren’t really predictions. We’ll both do better next week.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis
Next week, they need Rick now more than ever. Again. @SciFi4Me @WalkingDead_AMC
See you then kids.
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ahahaha you really don’t care much about Beth Greene, do you?