THE 100 Recap: What’s a Mob to a King?

Episode 304: “Watch the Thrones”
Written by Dorothy Fortenberry, directed by Ed Fraiman

So, there looks to be some discontent in both Polis and Arkadia. In America, we have our own candidates vying for political revolution, and it looks like they get it … a hundred and fifty years from now.

In Polis, there’s a meeting with the heads of the thirteen clans. The trial of the Ice Queen gets under way, and smiles are not on many faces. Drogo gets to watch his mother walk in in chains, so that must have been fun for him. Ice queen throws some shade Clarke’s way, but it doesn’t compare to the straight savage move she pulls on Lexa. She calls for a vote of no confidence, with 12/13ths of the coalition leaders behind her. Lexa, whose splendid sense of diplomacy is stronger than her desire to stab Nia right in her stupid face, allows her to make a challenge for the title of Commander. Nia chooses Drogo to champion her, but Lexa comes correct with the most fire clapback of 2149: “I am the commander. No one fights for me.” O Heda, my Heda!

The Arkadia War Room is popping when we arrive. Abby, Kane, Pike, and etc. are deciding how to move forward after the Mt. Weather attack. Pike, aka. Future-Donald Trump, is obviously a fan of attacking the Grounders in retaliation. Kabby, however, being brilliant and beautiful and in love, brush him off. Enter Bellamy. For a second, a glimmer of hope ignites in my chest that Bellamy and Abby might actually have a conversation in which they speak to each other. It doesn’t happen. I continue my mantra of “someday”. Bellamy has come to resign from his job (keep in mind: a job he’s wanted forever) because guilt. Kane tries to talk sense into him, but again, not today.

Let’s go outside. Monty and Jasper are arguing about Jasper’s decision not to attend the Mt. Weather memorial. It’s about as useful as arguing with a Furby. Nothing is accomplished. Right then, Nyko appears, carrying wounded. Some old-fashioned xenophobia takes place, obviously from Pike sympathizers. Octavia puts an end to it, but not before getting burned by a nameless guard who I hate. Jasper escapes camp, Monty follows. I am yearning for the day Monty Green is finally released from this storyline prison. Jasper has been a crap friend to him for half a season now, and he deserves to be his own character independent from this mess. #FreeMontyGreen

Back in Polis, Lexa (who is suddenly fashionable af, but that’s not saying much for someone who usually wears a tire on her shoulder), is teaching the Nightbloods again, though not with swords this time. When class is dismissed, Clarke is introduced to Aiden, Lexa’s most promising successor who is definitely not the kid from Love Actually. Lexa makes him swear loyalty to Skaikru if he becomes Commander, because love. While I am distracted by Lexa’s hotness, she and Clarke argue about Lexa’s upcoming battle with Drogo. Clarke refuses to let Lexa die if she can help it, which, as Lexa points out, she cannot. However, not being able to do something has never stopped Clarke Griffin from doing it anyway.

Nia is giving her son fighting advice for his upcoming battle with Lexa; which is hilarious to me because I keep imagining her as the disembodied Desperate Housewives voice. But that’s just me. Drogo is unhappy that he has to potentially die for someone who banished him, understandable. But Nia reminds her son that everything she does for Asgeda also benefits him, and drops a truth bomb. “If you won’t fight for your mother, or your queen, fight for your clan,” she says, as she bestows him with a sick ass sword. And it appears that Drogo attended The 100‘s official Do-Everything-For-Your-People leaders seminar, because it works, and he’s DTF (Down To Fight).

Immediately after agreeing to duel on his mother’s behalf, Clarke slides in with a plan to kill said aforementioned mother and make Drogo king of Asgeda. She spins a very persuasive, Slytherin-ey tale and almost convinces him to play along, but falls just short. Drogo can’t kill his mother himself because his people would reject him; but he’s more than happy to help Clarke waste Nia personally. After all, if anyone can kill the Queen of Ice, it’s the Commander of Death.

Now, the Mt. Weather memorial. Miller’s Boyfriend (!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Miller is here, you guys!!! Sometimes the things I ask for do come true!!!!) gives a short but sweet eulogy, Then it’s Bellamy’s heartbreaking turn. His offering is the copy of The Iliad Gina had gifted him with way back in the season opener, and utters the few words he can. “She deserved better,” he says. Spoiler: this is the only thing Bellamy is right about this entire episode.

Just then, a number of guards appear to inform Pike of the Grounder force outside camp (sent by Lexa to protect them). Quick Q: Why do all these people report to Pike instead of, I don’t know, their actual Chancellor? Abby is ten thousand times more beautiful and intelligent. Even Kane is higher up on the command chain. I’m angry. So are the masses. Pike riles them up, because of course he does oh my god I hate him so much. “Anger is our policy”? What does that even mean?? He succeeds in getting the crowd so angry they attack Lincoln, starting a riot. At least Bellamy is not yet so far gone that he doesn’t come to Lincoln’s defense. That’s something.

For a moment we follow the injured Lincoln outside. He’s clearly frustrated and disillusioned; Octavia’s predictions about the Arkadians never accepting a member of Trikru have all proven true. But Lincoln —  blessed, dedicated, super-bangable Lincoln — doesn’t let something silly like a traumatic head injury knock him off course. In a throwback to another Octavia Blake pearl of wisdom from last season, he utters their mantra: “Get knocked down, get back up.” If Lincoln dies I will, literally, implode upon myself.

Jasper and Monty’s jaunt through the forest leads them to the dropship for a real Throwback Thursday. I’m pumped because I was hoping to see the dropship again sometime this season, but Monty’s all business trying to find out what Jasper is hiding. When he roots through Jasper’s things, he finds what appear to be human ashes (Monty, of course, takes finding a human tooth in a jar of human remains way better than I ever would), but Jasper is too drunk and passed out to tell him why they’re there.

Lincoln is being stitched up by the beautiful Abby back in Arkadia, refusing to press charges against the man who attacked him. Octavia is understandably pissed, as am I, and once again proposes they run away together now that Lincoln is free to leave. He refuses this, too. This does not make Octavia any less pissed, as she was convinced the only thing keeping them in Arkadia was Lincoln’s kill order. Lincoln, however, is still committed and hopeful that his presence will elevate Trikru in the eyes of Arkadians. It appears the two-season-long lovebirds are no longer on the same page.

Clarke, meanwhile, is setting her plan into motion. She meets with Nia, proposing a shift in allegiance in exchange for the promise of Skaikru’s safety (and her own life). Nia is surprised at how pragmatic and calculating Clarke is, but that’s because she’s new to the show. They go about the grounder ritual of binding themselves in blood, right up until Nia’s attendant smells perfidy and attacks Clarke to save her queen from being poisoned. Nia declares Skaikru an official enemy of Asgeda (again, understandable). But she lets Clarke live in order to deliver her plot twist: she has her own Nightblood, who she will make commander after Lexa’s death.

It appears Nightblood is to be taken very literally. Actual black blood. The Grounders are a very literal people. Nightbloods are trained from birth to be possible successors for the commander should they die, but apparently this one slipped through the cracks. Unfortunately, it’s too late for Lexa to step down and designate a champion, so they’ve fallen straight into Nia’s trap. Clarke protests once again, but Lexa counters with the harsh truth. “You’re driven to fix everything for everyone, but you can’t fix this.” Feelings update: I am so very, very, very sad.

In Arkadia, Future-Trump is ploughing Bellamy with booze and trying to get him on his side. It’s honestly difficult for me to watch Bellamy get this cruelly and transparently manipulated here, with all the development he’s gone through since season one being invalidated by this gross xenophobic trash bag. However, Pike’s vitriol comes from vengeance and general douchebaggery, while Bellamy’s one and only motivation is the same as it’s always been: protecting his people. It’s hard to watch a character you love do something profoundly stupid and misguided for noble reasons, so when he agrees to get guns for Pike and his men to annihilate the grounder forces outside, I nearly punch a hole in my wall.

Finally, it’s time for the big show. Lexa vs. Drogo: Smackdown! Lexa is still looking hot and determined when Clarke shows up, giving her the motivation to turn around and ball so frickin hard it is insane. The pair are evenly matched (incredible since Drogo’s got a good 10 inches and 100 pounds on her), but here are some highlights:

• Lexa grabbing Drogo’s sword by the blade to push him back
• Drogo punching out a guard to steal his spear after being disarmed
• Lexa dual-wielding swords like a goddamn Jedi
• Fight choreography so beautiful I might actually need resuscitation
• Lexa’s feint and subsequent ninja comeback

In the end, Lexa fells Drogo and hovers over him with his own weapon, poised to take him down. However, after uttering my second favorite phrase in this entire show (Jus Drein Jus Daun, y’all!), she turns her spear and kills the mother instead of the son. In what must be the weirdest day of Drogo — no, you know what, no. I’m calling it, you guys. It’s been four weeks, it was fun, but it’s over. Now that he’s clean and groomed, it’s no fun anymore anyway. So; in what must be the weirdest day of Roan’s life, he watches his mother get spear-chucked through the heart, has his life spared by a woman he’s tried to kill twice, and is crowned king of his people fresh out of banishment. But that’s not even the coolest part of this scene. For the first real time, we see how beloved Lexa is by the common people. The chanting and cheering, the horror of the crowd when it looked like she was about to lose … the coalition may not believe in Lexa as a leader, but her subjects sure do.

Now in Arkadia, the Worst Idea Literally of All Time Ever gets underway, headed up by Bellamy and Pike. The only good thing here is the reappearance of Harper and Monroe, two criminally underused characters (cough cough). The rest is a mess. Short version: Bellamy uses his sway as the former leader of the 100 to get the young guards to leave, some janky-looking white dude attacks Lincoln and has his ass immediately kicked, causing a standoff. I expected better from you, Monty’s Mom. Luckily, at that moment, Kabby shows up and shuts the whole thing down. Unluckily, Pike uses this opportunity as yet another soapbox, leading Mr. Janky-Looking to propose Pike be on the election ballot for Chancellor. So the Worst Idea Literally of All Time Ever manages to get even worse somehow. Quick shout out to Kane’s look of disappointment when he finds out Bellamy armed Pike’s men, dad friend for life.

In all the excitement and indignation, I somehow forgot about Jasper and Monty over at the dropship. Jasper wakes up from his drunken stupor only to be confronted by Monty about the ashes, which turn out to be Finn’s. Damn, guys, remember Finn? Wild times. Anyway, Jasper wants to dump the ashes out at the dropship to spite Clarke. This leads, finally, to the admission that Monty is still haunted by what he did at Mount Weather. I’ve been waiting for some mention of that. But Monty (brave, beautiful, heroic Monty) is tired of standing by and watching his best friend destroy himself and all his relationships, so he gives him the “shape up or shut up” ultimatum. Jasper chooses neither, and Monty leaves; now permitted to pursue Jasper-free storylines and explore relationships with other characters. I am suddenly alive. Jasper tries to drunkenly stumble after him for one last jibe, only to trip and pitch all Finn’s ashes into a cloud of dust. This, apparently, is Jasper’s sobering moment. In the end, all it took was destroying the remains of one of his closest friends to bring Jasper Jordan sobbing and retching back to reality.

Now, in Clarke’s insanely gorgeous Polis bedroom, we find the insanely gorgeous Clarke in some swanky silk nightgown that I am literally drooling over. She’s visited by Lexa, in an equally stunning nightgown, and oh my God are they gonna bang? They are! They totally are!! Hot nightgowns, sultry looks, hand grabbing, closing the door? They banging!! This is my f**king promised land, you guys!! Welcome. Clarke bandages Lexa’s wounds (remember how Clarke’s a doctor?) as they discuss how Lexa will deal with all of her ambassadors conspiring with Nia. She decides to just … straight up ignore it? I mean okay, it’s not what I would do, but that’s why I’m not Heda, isn’t it? That, and I don’t have black blood. The two women stand up, and Lexa leans in ….

To say goodnight and leave.

I cannot decide if I am surprised, angry, confused, or disappointed, and apparently neither can Clarke. So, feelings update: idk.

In the Arkadia jail cell (which, luckily, Bellamy is familiar with) Pike and the Farm Station bitch squad get a visit from Kane, telling him he’s won the election. I am now decidedly angry, although duly impressed that The 100 is getting so meta on us; mimicking our own current political climate with bigger, futuristic stakes. Pike’s first actions as Chancellor are, in order: Pardoning himself and his squad (including Bellamy), rejecting Kabby’s alliance with the coalition, and resuming The Worst Idea Literally of All Time Ever 2.0. Kane’s last action is to try and salvage his (son?) mentee, Bellamy, only to be rebuffed. And now I am feelings update: sad again.

So now, I just have a list of things I need to know. I need to know why they keep foreshadowing Lexa’s death so heavily, because I’m pretty sure Rothenberg is too obsessed with Lexa to actually kill her. I need to know Miller’s boyfriend’s name immediately. I need to know why Brenda Strong is still credited for 9 more episodes on IMDB, and I need to know how Raven is doing. Is she OK? Probably not, knowing these writers. All I can say is I’m not excited to see Bellamy vs. Octavia, and I’m tentatively optimistic that Jasper might get his shit together soon. But none of that matters, because I got two seconds of Miller and so I am content for the rest of the month. Good day.