ZOMBIE WARFARE: A How-To Guide

This book review is hard to write… but why? Am I not being honest enough? The first time I started reading the book, I got to page 22 before I finally said, “Enough is enough. This book sucks!” I got frustrated with the style. It appeared to me to be a book my 15-year-old cousin would enjoy… probably after stealing it off of his older brother’s bookshelf because he wouldn’t be allowed to read it.

I picked it up again about 8 months later, and found that I felt the same as before. After realizing I needed to read the entire thing to give it a fair review, I decided to put on my “15-year-old boy” goggles. Once I had settled into them and my eyes refocused, I saw the book the way I believe it was intended to be seen.

I was cracking up at every page and at the same time found myself agreeing with the insanity of a zombie army being able to undertake any enemy at any time any day. Scott uses graphic words and intense illustrations by Adam Wallenta to portray the effects a zombie soldier could have as compared to an “everyday” soldier.

In the first half, he provides an extremely in-depth look into the zombie fighting style with detailed descriptions and hypothetical scenarios explaining the differences between “normal” warfare and zombie warfare (and why the zombie’s style will always prevail). Including my favorite rule (or non-rule), from the chapter If You Can Do It, You Can Do It.  Throughout the book, he makes sure the reader understands zombies are only after one thing. BRAINS. Brains, brains, brains. The reason zombies would be the most effective soldiers is because they are not deterred by distractions of being shot, dismembered, or blown up. Zombies simply want brains and will not stop until destroyed.

The second half is a guide to “leading” like a zombie, though he clearly states, “There are no zombie commanders because zombies will not be commanded”. It is quite obvious the author has spent massive amounts of time thinking about zombies and has a way of making his theories appear logical. He gives a few examples from history of leaders who led as though they had zombie armies. For instance, there is an entire chapter dedicated to the Chinese general Sima Yi. He was known for his unpredictable moves and lack of interest in following normal rules of combat. He did whatever he pleased (including showing his ability to turn his head 180 degrees). Scott tells us that the general defeated his nemesis, Zhuge Liang, and moved on to attack his successor, until he “…caught word that Zhuge Liang was not actually dead. Or that he had been dead, but now no longer was. Or that he was dead but somehow had still been seen walking around.” And that’s just a tiny drop of the humor that can be found in this book.

With the mindset of the 15-year-old boy, this book officially RULES! I might exclaim to my friends, “DUDE, you gotta read this book!” But when I take off those goggles and rub my eyes, I find once again that while there is humor found in the book, I could only read about 2-3 chapters in one sitting before putting it down. That said, the book is enjoyable for what it is! I would give it 3.5 brains out of 5, and rate it for ages 17+ for violence and language.