BEAUTY & THE BEAST: Valentines, Stupidity, and Trust, Oh My!

Episode 113: “Trust No One”

THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD!

[Photos: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW]

Today’s episode of B&TB has been brought to you by stupid women. Please don’t misunderstand; I think women are smart. But I find that when women have stupid moments, it really irritates me. You see, women have a harder time making it in business, earning the same living, getting the same respect, etc., that men do, so when women are dumb, I somehow feel it undermines my own efforts to be smart and effective. But there’s a recap to be had, so for fun, let’s enumerate all the stupid moves.

Cat meets Alex, and tells her that she used her credit card at a restaurant (#1), and that if it were that easy for Cat to trace it, Muirfield will easily find her. She needs to check into another hotel using cash, which Cat gives her. I’m on the fence as to whether that’s stupid of Cat or not. I’ll go with benefit of the doubt. Alex plans aloud to reach out to former activist friends. Cat warns her she’ll just be putting her friends in danger.

Vincent asks Cat if she has V-Day plans. Cat nearly scoffs, and reminds Vincent that as soon as Alex came along, he turned away. All she’s doing now is protecting him, despite his claims that his feelings for her never went away. If I were one of Cat’s girlfriends, I’d agree it’s the right thing.

Alex meets a journalist friend, despite Cat’s warning. No ambiguity there: #2. Alex dishes what she knows, and later, Alex’s friend ends up dead in a suicide being investigated by Cat and Tess. The journalist’s laptop is missing, and he’s got a reputation for scathing exposés. When Cat realizes that the journalist’s phone has both Alex’s phone number programmed into it, along with a voice mail message from Alex, that clinches it.

Vincent and J.T. discuss Cat’s frostiness, and J.T. sides with Cat. Great quote from J.T. when Vincent claims that Cat knows he’ll always be there for her: “Knowing you’ll always be there to rip someone limb from limb in a pinch is a little different than knowing you’re not going to start playing Ice Castles with the next hot chick who comes along.” Oh, J.T., your way with words. J.T. suggests that Vincent woo Cat.

Vincent’s special deliveries of cut roses, cream-filled chocolates, and a mini-flash mob dance to Bruno Mars’ “Locked Out of Heaven” are perhaps misguided attempts to woo Cat, but the dance scene itself was delightful. Cat’s giddy discomfort is nearly palpable as she endures Vincent’s idea of wooing. But the song is about how sex is so great with the singer’s object of desire. Interesting message, Vincent.

Then there’s the subject of Tess and Joe. Oh boy, that’s a can of worms. Let’s face it, her boss has appeal, and I know decent men and women who’ve fallen into that trap. Sometimes it turns out okay; most often, it doesn’t. I’m reserving moral judgment, but for the probability factor alone, I’m calling Tess falling into bed with Joe #3. Poor Tess, she is such a great character who deserves her own above-board slice of happy.

Evan’s sham of a girlfriend Claire has strung Evan along for access to his Beast Boy research, but she transcends evil when she targets Alex. She manages to convince Alex in a one-paragraph argument that a) the people who killed your journalist friend are everywhere, and b) we created Vincent and we want to fix him. Alex doesn’t connect the dots? You killed my friend and now you want to help Vincent? Alex, you are an embarrassment to women. Beyond stupid, #4.

Alex calls Vincent, he meets her, she tranqs him (#5). Cat finds them at the hotel, and sneaks in while Alex gets some water. Alex, who believes that Cat has trapped Vincent and doesn’t want him better, points a gun at Cat (#6). They convince her otherwise (#7, anyone can convince her of anything). Claire shows up to an empty-handed Alex, and screws a silencer onto her gun. Beasty jumps in the hotel room window from the outside, knocks Claire over, and rescues Alex. Shoulda killed Claire while the killing was good, but I’ll refrain from calling that #8. Sure woulda been nice for her to be dead, though, instead of later threatening Evan into joining her cause.

Back at Vincent’s, Alex tells Cat that Vincent always does the right thing, he was just trying to make up for leaving her, but that his heart wasn’t in it. Cat gives her bus tickets and a new driver’s license. Unfortunately, head Muirfield bad guy follows Alex onto a bus, so there’s future rescuing involved. Alex is like a bad case of VD that just won’t go away. I’m not speaking from personal experience, just in case anyone wonders.

Cat goes to the evidence room and deletes Alex’s name from the dead journalist’s cell phone. She also finds a page of notes that he took from his interview with Alex. Before looking around to see if anyone might be able to observe her unethical behavior (official #8), Cat rips the page out and stuffs it in her jacket…only to look up and see a very angry Tess. Cat tells her she can’t explain. Tess plans to put in a request for a new partner the next morning. How are these two going to survive without one another? Tess needs the support for all the Joe chicanery; Cat needs someone to cover for all her Vincent-related absences. These two WILL reconcile.

Cat returns home; Vincent is there to meet her. Cat blathers something about taking things slow, Vincent agrees, but slowly advances. I guarantee that no straight woman is tracking dialogue at this point, because Vincent’s giving her “the look.” My God, that look makes a woman weak in the knees. Does GQ or Maxim have articles on how to give that look? I’m not describing it any further, because I don’t need to sell out my gender by giving away secrets, but I will say this: swoon-worthy.

The vicarious pleasure is brief. Just as Vincent leans in, @&$!-ing Heather pops into the living room: “Oh my God, I knew it!” Heather, you trollop, you buttinski, you ruiner of moments! Your sister has been sad and mopey for practically her whole life, and the minute she’s about to get a little, you nose in? You couldn’t just turn around and tiptoe out? Pretend like you didn’t see it? Mind your own freaking business? You are the worst sister and roommate of all time. You have earned not only my wrath, but also stupid, selfish act #9.

Heather apparently continues her idiocy next week. Not sure what her date this week with Darius means for the show, but he was introduced for a reason. Previews show that Heather posts pictures of Vincent on-line, so it looks like I’ll have plenty of opportunities to continue the counting game next week. Stay with me next time, maybe we can count all the way to ten!

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