To Grok Spock: Adam Nimoy’s Reconciliation Tale Is a Must-Read
The Most Human: Reconciling with My Father, Leonard Nimoy
Written by Adam Nimoy
Published by Chicago Review Press
June 4, 2024
Hardcover, 272 pgs.
“My resentment towards my father kept building through the years. I wasn’t blameless, I know that now, but my bitterness blinded me to any thought of my own contribution to the problem.
I wanted things to be different for my children. I wanted to be the father I never had, so I coached Maddy’s soccer, drove Jonah to music lessons, helped them with their homework—all the things dads are supposed to do. All the things I wanted to do. So what if my Dad and I had been estranged for years? I was living one day at a time.
And then I got his letter.
That marked a turning point in our lives, a moment that cleared the way for a new relationship between us.”
This has been sitting in my queue for a while, and it’s been one of those books where I realized as I read it, that I had expectations for this book, and Adam Nimoy’s story didn’t meet my expectations. But as I read further, it struck me that my expectations were wrong, and this is a book that you absolutely must read if you have parents or if you have kids.
Growing up, I was aware of Nimoy’s work as a television director, and I had assumed — perhaps like many of you — that he had just followed in his father’s footsteps because of the influence Leonard Nimoy had had on young Adam’s life. Reading this book, I know now that it’s only a little bit of that. As with so many things, it’s a lot more complicated than that. In fact, you could take the relationship between Leonard and Adam Nimoy and put it up against the social media status, “It’s complicated.”
It’s not a chronological list of problems and issues and how they solved things. It’s more thematic, with Nimoy’s narrative bouncing to various moments in his past linked by an idea. Nimoy examines not only how his resentment toward his father built and contributed to issues, how his father’s detachment fed into that resentment, but also how his recovery from addiction allowed him to examine how his father’s addiction to alcohol added fuel to their estrangement. It was only when both of them were in recovery and working on “making amends” (each in his own way) that they were able to get to a point of reconciliation.
That reconciliation is the point of the whole book, and Nimoy does a good job weaving in between his experiences not only with his father, but also his first wife, kids, his mother, and a buddy from recovery, in a way that shows it’s all connected.
Note: this is not some gossip-driven tell-all, although there are some surprises with regard to the senior Nimoy’s friendship — we can still call it that, yes? — with William Shatner. Let’s just say not everything was as it seemed at the time. And there’s not a lot of Star Trek trivia or behind-the-scenes drama. Trek plays into the relationship between father and son, certainly, as it drove the family’s lifestyle while at the same time pulling the father away for appearances, events, etc. Nimoy the Elder’s career was central to a number of problems, but his upbringing as the son of immigrants also had a lot to do with it.
It’s a — dare I say it? — fascinating look into the dynamic between father and son, and Leonard Nimoy’s celebrity status is somewhat peripheral to the whole thing, which makes this book a good choice for anyone having relationship issues with parents and/or children. The emotional dynamics apply to anyone faced with issues related to divorce, job loss, fights with parents, fights with kids, addiction, recovery, dating… there’s even a dash of politics thrown in.
Nimoy’s faith certainly plays a big role in this as well. The Old Testament book of Jonah serves as a bookend to the narrative. The story of the reluctant prophet works as an example of the tumult between the “I don’t wanna” attitude versus the “Because I said so” attitude, and it’s interesting how Nimoy the Younger serves up his insights into the tale in his adult years following his father’s death.
Before I had finished reading it, I was already telling my son that he should read it. For reasons. He and I have not always had the best of relationships, and I keep coming back to this notion that the book could help people trying to recover some balance in relationships gone awry. Which is not what I was expecting out of this book at all.
And I’m OK with that. What I got out of the book is far more valuable, I think.