THE WALKING DEAD Claims Our Reviewers
Season 4, Episode 11 “Claimed”
DUSTIN: I miss Once Upon a Time, Tim.
TIMOTHY: Really? Really, Dustin?
DUSTIN: Yeah. I liked watchin’ it and gettin’ all angry and you telling me this isn’t a Once Upon a Time recap.
TIMOTHY: Well, it comes back in March, so those things will happen again I’m sure.
Can you do it for me? Just once? To tide me over.
…
Please?
… fine. “Dustin, focus, this is not a Once Upon a Time Recap.
((sigh)) Yeah, that’s the stuff. See you in March, you beautiful terrible bastard.
Can we please get down to the business at hand now? You know, The Walking Dead review thing?
Surely.
PREDICTIONS!!
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Carl will never have another monologue again.
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Everyone will wonder why Michonne is wearing that terrible white shirt.
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I think… one group of survivors will find another… but I’m not sure which…
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Tara will be rebuffed by Rosita’s shorty shorts.
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Someone will say: “Why didn’t we make a plan for evacuation and meeting up somewhere?” And then Robert Kirkman will run into frame and slap them full in the face.
I… I don’t think number 3 and number 5 actually count as ‘predictions’ per say…
QUIET YOU!!
I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! I will, however, take this time to point out that as usual, there are SPOILERS for this episode of AMC’s The Walking Dead and, like the show itself, much of an adult nature and theme in the following review. This would be a warning. Mr. Adair and I are joined by Mr. Curtis Smith and Miss Ann-Marie Zarrelli, who will be tweeting the show for us as we watch it, and we are quite happy to have Curtis back with us tonight. Anne-Marie and Curtis are waving to you kids at home, I know you can’t see it, but they are, and they would say hello, but I brought pie and ice cream, and they are busy enjoying them at this time.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead is always better with pie.
Mmmmm. Pie. On to the recap!!
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!! @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
So the Walkers are getting all weird and distracted by odd stuff. Did you know balloons made them all irritated? Neither did I.
We can add that to their newfound fascination with fire from last week’s episode.
The Army truck rumbles by, and the walkers decide the contents of the truck would probably be more delicious than whatever was in that balloon and follow.
Tara is in the back of the truck writing stuff on her hand.
The truck stops and the walkers approach. Tara is about to fire on them when that guy with the red hair jumps out of the cab and tells her not to. He then commences to stabbing the @#$% out of the walkers. He seems to enjoy it and is even kind of jovial about it.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead think I could do with some better dyed hair. #carrots
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis I love post apocalyptic road warriors. Will I love THESE???? @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Tara gets out of the back of the truck and looks at Mustache all “Hrm.”
Mustache is all “What?”
And Tara is all “I have never seen anyone smile while killing walkers before.” And mustache is all “Really? Because it’s kind of awesome. Now let’s go hot wire a Buick.”
Is it just me, or is Team Zombie more efficient at killing the walkers than he is? He’s kinda sloppy.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis I want his name to be TANK. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Meanwhile, Carl is having breakfast, Michonne comes in wearing that shirt and Carl laughs at her. She all “What?” and he’s all “Nothing.”
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead somehow doubt we’ll see Michonne’s smile much more.
They talk about soy milk. Then Carl says he’d rather drink Judith’s formula than soy milk then he’s all “Aw I made myself sad.” And leaves the room to go cry Big Boy Tears.
It’s a pretty nice Carl moment, actually. I almost can’t believe I just said that, but it’s true.
In the kitchen, Rick is going through drawers looking for a spatula or something . Michonne enters. They talk about how Carl needs a friend and Michonne is ready to take on the challenge. Ah, Michonne, you know what happens to anyone who places themselves in the role of ‘Carl’s Friend’ right? (They die.)
I guess her dreams from the week before last have finally broken away the Queen of The Scowl facade.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis Meshon looks nice! Rick could use a new shirt though. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
She asks if they are staying at the house or moving on. Rick needs some time to figure it out.
And for the first time in a long time, Rick taking time to think things over is not a bad idea. Of course, he was also just in a coma thing, so that’s probably a factor.
Michonne says she is going to take Carl on a supply run.
You know what, I think I’m coming around on the white shirt. It will be covered in gore by the end of the episode but right now. I’m into it.
Off they go.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis Carl’s hat’s just fine. Carl’s hat’s in charge. Carl’s hat gives shade to the Carl. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Rick needs a new shirt, like oh so bad. OFF TO THE GAP!!
On the plus side? Free clothes. On the negative side? The service is terrible.
In the house, Rick pushes the sofa back in front of the door then goes upstairs to bandage his side. He puts on a new shirt, grabs a Jack London novel and climbs into bed.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead its recovery, Rick, not loafing around.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis My favorite Jack London story is A Piece of Steak. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Carl and Michonne are out on a supply run. Michonne finds some spray cheese and she is all excited, but Carl is a Mopey Mister. Geez kid, mention one sister you think was eaten by monsters and you get all pissy.
Michonne eats the cheese but Carl is not swayed.
Apparently I’m the only person in the room who thinks this sudden wacky Michonne is just weird. Dustin reminds me that there was the whole comic book thing between her and Carl earlier, but this full-bore “let’s be buddies” just seems too much. Oh, Anne-Marie is agreeing with me to a point, so I’m not the only one. I mean, I like the more open and smiling Michonne, but yeah, it’s a little trying too hard. Which is probably what she’d do.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead the HAT! It’s the HAT Michonne! The HAT hates fun.
Michonne tells him that she had a kid!! It’s super sad. I love you, Michonne. Just love you so much.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead worst part of the zombie apocalypse – no more slamming screen doors in a snit.
In the next house, Carl is all distracted by the fact that Michonne had a kid. Michonne decides to make it a game. Clear a room, ask a question.
This is a really weird game. And since they haven’t actually searched the house to see if it’s zombie-free, it’s a weird time to play the weird game.
Rick is asleep, but there are voices coming from downstairs. There are people in the house, Rick, THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE!!
Guess the couch in front of the door wasn’t terribly effective.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis Don’t worry. Carl’s hat will tell The Carl that Rick is in danger. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me #OrderOfCarlsHat
The voices down stairs are torturing someone. Rick hops out of bed and pops under the bed to hide as the people search the place. Someone comes in the room and is all dirty feet on the nice clean carpet. Don’t sneeze, Rick.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead being on the bottom doesn’t seem like Rick’s style.
The feet stop at the bed and stand there for a minute before climbing into the bed.
Good Lord. How much does that guy weigh?
In the other house, Michonne is looking at a painting of rabbits. Her son’s name was Andre. On to the next room!
Whoever used to live here had terrible taste in art.
These are really odd paintings. Hopefully someone in the house painted them, because I worry about the mind of someone who went out and bought them.
Apparently Andre was a handful. Carl finds a big painting.
Wrapped in paper. There is about to be a reveal of Something Awful.
Carl asks how long it has been since Andre died. And Michonne is all “After everything.” I love how “After Everything” is an answer on this show. I LOVE IT!!
No one knows about Andre but Carl.
Carl: “Your secret is safe with me.”
Michonne: “It’s not really a secret.”
Carl: “It’s still safe with me.”
My tears, Michonne, MY TEARS.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis Whatever happens, I want Michonne to be Carl’s first. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
See, this is when Carl shines, tiny little moments, not big speeches.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead nice to see Michonne can loosen up, even if it’s with The HAT.
Yeah, the whole bonding thing still feels weird to me, but the moments are good.
Carl goes to check another room, and Michonne opens up the painting. It is… disturbing. Her bad ass senses start tingling and she heads down the hall to open the door it was leaning up against.
Aaaaaaaaand here comes the Something Awful.
Oh s@#$. It’s a … bathroom?
Attached to a bedroom? A BABY’S BEDROOM. There is nothing weird on first glance.
Something. Awful.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis You know, the sound designers on this show should really get a special shout-out. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
If there is a zombie toddler I may die.
That… might be the most disturbing thing this show could ever show us. I’m going to hope for not.
Okay, so nothing.
The next door leads to the Pinkest Room to Ever Pink. Oh, and the whole dead family all laid out in row. So it looks like the Mom helped her kids along then offed herself too. It’s kind of a sad, but peaceful scene. I am not 100% sure what I feel about it.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead great nursery decorating tips! Bummed about the corpses.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis “I think I saw that bookshelf on thinkgeek dot….awwwwww it’s a family.” Great reveal @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
But I know what Michonne feels. She bugs out of there.
Because it’s Awful. And sad.
Carl comes in and is all: “What’s wrong?” And Michonne is all: “It’s a dead dog. Dogs are sad.”
Then Carl is all “Judith makes me sad.” Then he kind of has a turnaround about heaven because he says maybe Judith and Andre are together somewhere. I like this better than how he reacted to Sophia the First’s death way back in Season Two the Terrible and Boring.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis ALL HAIL CARL’S HAT!! @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me @anniemariney #OrderOfCarlsHat
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney @Creepy_Curtis @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me We are all minions of The HAT!
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead so hard not getting invited for a 3 way.
The guys fight and one knocks the other out while Rick looks into his eyes. So… you know… so now they know each other.
Is he just knocked out? It kinda plays both ways, but I guess that was a breathing still bit. Either way, taking a nap at this point seems a little, well, stupid, doesn’t it? I mean if he’s dead, then he’s coming back a zombie, and sleeping around him is just dumb, and if he’s just unconscious then he’s going to come to, and I would imagine be a little bit peeved, and again, sleeping around him is just dumb.
So you’re thinking he’s dumb, is that what you’re saying?
I don’t think our bad guys here are the brightest bunch, no.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead there’s a lump under my mattress! #princess
Glenn. Glenn wakes up in the Army truck next to Tara. She offers him water and she again recaps the situation for him. He asks about the bus and she tells him it was full of dead people. The bus was passed 3 hours ago. Glenn tells them to stop the truck. It takes a little convincing.
But to give Glenn credit, he did get their attention.
Mustache is all: Where are you going?” And Glenn is all “I gots to find my wife.” Mustache is all: “Let me tell you what this show is about and about why my mustache is important!”
It is pretty funny listening to Abraham basically tell Glenn what the last few seasons have been all about, as if this is some revelatory concept. I half expected Glenn to laugh in his face.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead Glen’s quest is noble and true. So… two episodes?
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis His name has to be Tank. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Mustache says his name is Abe and the girl in the shorty shorts is Rosita and the horrible little troll with the mullet is Eugene. You know them from the comics. Abe says Eugene knows what caused the walkers… which is not true of course, but we won’t reveal that for several more weeks.
Good thing we have the SPOILER notice up top, huh folks? And by the way, for an Army guy, you’d think that Abraham would wear a little more protective gear than a wife-beater.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis Sergeant Tank. Excuse me. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Glenn is like “Wha?”
Eugene (who does not know anything) says it’s classified.
Which is a fairly terrible and ridiculous thing for people to just believe at this point, isn’t it? It’s been like a year since the outbreak, right? And no one has held down this schmuck and made him fess up yet?
Abe begs Glenn and Tara to come with them on the wild goose chase Eugene is leading them on, but Glenn is like, nah, Love Conquers All and whatnot. Tara tells Glenn she wrote down all the turns to get back to the bus and Abe, who can’t leave well enough alone, says Maggie is obviously dead. Oh, Abe. You beautiful idiot, you do not know who you are messing with.
Yeah, this would not be the way to talk Glenn into your way of thinking.
So Abe and Glenn fight obviously and Eugene watches a walker approach out of the woods. Aw crap. This is a show about zombies, isn’t it?
Walkers start coming out of the corn and after Eugene. He is so stupid. I hated Eugene in the comics and I think the trend will continue here.
Zombies Of The Corn! He Who Walk(er)s Behind The Rows! Goodness, took these guys long enough to come after the people making all the noise in the world…
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis I mean, c’mon. He’s got a Mullet. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Everyone shoots at walkers.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead I hate to be the old lady in the room but is this constructive? When is fighting ever..oh, well, yeah, fight the zombies.
Of course, Eugene is the worst with a gun and so he shoots the truck, puncturing the gas tank and making the thing completely useless. Maybe Eugene is Lori reincarnated? Could that be a thing? I think it is.
Well, in fairness to Lori, she did have more than one facial expression. Eugene? Not so much. And she was a better shot. And I don’t see Eugene being involved in anything resembling a love triangle, do you?
Under the bed, Rick is trying to make his escape. He climbs out from under there while the guy above snores. Rick heads into the cool teen’s room to hide when another dude comes up the stairs, and instead of going to talk to his buddies, of course, he goes into the cool teen’s room first to annoy Rick, but Rick is not discovered.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead all that break dancing in the 80’s Rick is finally paying off! #theworm
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis I’ve made the same escape, Rick. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Rick makes a lot of noise trying to open the cool teen’s window. Then everyone goes downstairs. Apparently someone has discovered a shirt that Michonne had laundered earlier, so they decide to have a meeting to discuss raping her, and in what order they will rape her, when she returns.
Stay classy, gang.
Wow. He really is making a lot of noise that no one is responding to. I wonder how these guys survived this long? And they can all die soon, I won’t mind that a bit.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead Michonne is not going to appreciate the dead body in the bedroom. #untidy #pickupyourcorpses
Rick slips into the bathroom to hide, but there is a dude in there having a poop. They fight and Rick chokes the guy to death.
Hey Rick? Take the scissors off the counter and stab this guy. It will be quick and relatively quiet and… oh. Well the hard, noisy way works to I guess.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead but a lint roller could be interesting, too. #scissors
How are they not hearing this downstairs? Crashing, thumping noises in an “empty” house should be telling these guys to, oh I don’t know, investigate the likely zombie presence, but apparently their hearing aids have all died.
Ooohhh. Now that would be a creepy episode, told from the point of view of a deaf character? Well, right up until the Stealth Walkers killed them.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis You’re a noisy pooper Stewart! @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead seriously? No one heard the rumpus in the bath?
He takes the guy’s gun and as a parting gift, he props the bathroom door open so when the poor poopin’ guy reanimates, he’ll go back and annoy his friends.
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead and why did the guy in the bathroom have his shoes off?
That’s what you get for even THINKING of raping Michonne.
Nice job Rick, kind of a dick move, but an understandable one. I approve.
Rick STILL has to escape this house. You know, in the bad old days of Season 2, this escape from the house would have taken 3 episodes, so I don’t know what I’m complaining about.
Out the window and on to the roof, Rick tries to make his way away. It’s a good thing he wasn’t in a coma… oh… YESTERDAY, because that might make this sort of stuff difficult. He drops onto the back porch.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis Don’t worry Rick, you can rest next coma. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me #Toughness
Again, making all the noise. C’mon folks, this is a world where there aren’t any extra noises anymore, and somebody walking on the roof is going to be heard. But it would be nice if next episode he’s still a mess, and this made it worse.
Abe decides to tell a story about being in The War in the Middle East and Eugene is all like: “I don’t know things, so don’t trust me.” Or maybe I’m projecting.
Glenn is all: “Sorry about your truck byyeee!”
Tara is all “l8r, bitches.”
Then Rosita is all “Wait, I need to go with you guys, because of plots! And also the actress who was cast as me wants to buy a new Volvo!”
Eugene tells Abe he is dumb and they should just follow along.
All my hate, Eugene.
God, he’s just so awful as a character isn’t he? Josh McDermitt, the actor who plays him isn’t awful, but I think we’ve found the new “Why Are You Always So Awful” character now that Andrea and Milton are dead.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis The scientist has no facial expressions. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me #sociopath
Anne-Marie Zarrelli @anniemariney #TheWalkingDead sure, I’d follow a guy with a mullet who says he’s smarter than me.
I now feel very afraid for Tara.
Rick is all “How does this keep happening to me” while a guy paces on the porch. Hey!! It’s that guy! The character actor that has played every crazy or creepy character since the world was new!
That would be Jeff Kober, from China Beach, Buffy and Sons of Anarchy among many others. Great face for playing the bad guy, and I mean that as a compliment… this guy works a lot because he’s good.
Michonne and Carl arrive back at the house just as the walker Rick left as a gift for these jerks reanimates back up in the bathroom. That Creepy Actor Guy heads back into the house to help fight it.
Rick gets to Michonne and Carl and the three of them escape.
You know they didn’t cast that creepy guy as a cameo.
You wouldn’t think so, but he’s in this episode so little that it could be a day gig. Be a shame not to bring him back, if only so Rick can ask him why everyone just ignored all the noise he was making.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis You know what’s AWESOME about this show? No celebrity cameos. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me
Abe is all “Hey, Tara, you need to come with us. I can tell you’re a good person.” And Tara is all “Shut the @#$% up, I used to be a villain. But I’m going to tell your entire backstory in a quick sound bite so we can move on with the story.”
This made me laugh, with Abraham being so “C’mon! Join us! You’re awesome!” and Tara’s “Whatever dude.” When Abraham actually does give his backstory, there needs to be a shot of Tara saying “Told ya.”
Then Michonne, Carl, and Rick head down the railroad tracks. They stop and look at a thing. It is a sign for Terminus. They decide to go to there.
And there you go folks! “Claimed”. Now let’s look at Dustin’s predictions, shall we?
ANNE-MARIE: We shall. We must.
CURTIS: Oh yeah, gotta see how he did, don’t we?
You got to them, didn’t you? You bastard.
I admit to nothing.
It was the pie, wasn’t it? You paid them in pie, didn’t you? Didn’t you?!!
And ice cream. Can’t forget the ice cream. Number 1!
Traitors.
Number 1! No monologue, but never hasn’t happened yet, so that’s a no.
When it does, you’ll see. You’ll SEE!
Mmm hmmm. Number 2! Michonne’s shirt, which no one asked about and you even came to like, so also a no.
Yeah yeah. Whatever.
Number 3! This one you get, because in fact, one group of survivors did find Rick, and since we don’t know who they are, the “don’t know which” part fits, too.
And you said it really wasn’t a prediction.
So I did. I stand corrected. Number 4! Not a lot of Tara rebuffing to report, but why is Rosita wearing such short shorts in the Zombpocolypse?
A mystery to be sure, and one my great powers will surely discover the answer to!
I’m sure they will. Sadly, and I mean that truthfully, because it would have been awesome, no one acknowledged the terrible emergency planning of Team Zombie, and no Kirkman slaps were on display. I was hopeful, I must admit.
Yeah. I just really wanted that.
We all did Dustin, we all did. We’ll see you kids next week.
Curtis Smith @Creepy_Curtis “til next time…. @WalkingDead_AMC @SciFi4Me #GreatEpisode
