Our Dinner with THE WALKING DEAD

 

 

Season 2, episode 5: “Chupacabra”

Timothy: Welcome back, to this 5th installment of Dustin Adair and my reviews of the second season of AMC’s “The Walking Dead”, where we are joined again by Mr. Curtis Smith! Curtis was live-Tweeting during the broadcast, and as before, you’ll see what he had to say mixed in with Dustin and my thoughts. So… where are we?

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
This week they will hopefully find the girl. And rape goblins. #Walking Dead @SciFi4Me

Dustin: Well, back in the past before anyone knew each other… Carol’s husband was still a douche. Carol’s family and Lori, Shane and Carl were all stuck together in traffic on the road into Atlanta. When Carl got hungry, Abusive Dad and Husband of the Year wouldn’t let Carol give Carl a MRE and was pretty pissed at Carol for even mentioning that they had any. 

Charming fellow. Hope something nasty happens to him. Lori and Shane slip off to have some your-husband-is-dead sex; wait, no, they’re trying to find out more about the traffic jam and what’s going on, when a fight breaks out among the people in the crowd. An army helicopter flies overhead and they follow it away from the road to see the military napalming the city.

Looks like Atlanta’s not that safe. Lori and Shane find comfort in each other’s arms.

Good thing her husband is dead. Oh wait. Back in the present, Lori sleeps in, her back hurts. Could she be… pregnant?

She puts on shoes and heads out of her tent to talk to Carol who is doing much better with the whole “Her Daughter Might Be Dead” thing. Carol asks Lori to ask the Greens if they can cook a thank you meal in their kitchen. See as the leader’s wife, Lori is like the unofficial First lady of Team Zombie. Lori agrees to ask permission to use the Green Farm’s food, water, and facilities to cook dinner. 

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Who the heck is the new guy? #Walking Dead @SciFi4Me

Meanwhile, Rick is trying to facilitate the search for Sophia and there is this other random guy who wants to help… I’m gonna call him Cannon Fodder since he is not properly introduced or named. Rick asks Cannon Fodder if he has permission from Hershel to go on the search and Cannon says yes.

That’s a perfect name for him, because it’s never a good sign if you show up in a show and at no point does anyone ask your name. Clearly this mysterious youth is not long for this world. And it’s great to see that FINALLY this rather large group of people is going to go look for the child who has been lost in the zombie infested woods for days.

Daryl says he’s gonna go ask Hershel if he can borrow a horse. Everyone is going to look for Sophia.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Throw that poor boy a bone. So to speak. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Except Glenn, who is having a Honky Tonk moment on the porch. Maggie finds him and they spew awkward cuteness all over each other. Glenn wants to bone again, Maggie is not so sure.

“11 Minutes I won’t get back.” Ouch. But c’mon, she thinks Glenn is cute.

Shane and Rick are out in the woods together. Rick wants to reminisce about the girls Shane used to bang just so they could have a conversation again. They are so dumb. Shane was some sort of awesome stud in high school. He had sex with a PE teacher. Or is lying. Or is horrifying and stupid. Rick was not much of a stud back in High school. Why do we need to know this? Curtis thinks it’s a lull before a big scare. He doesn’t know this show very well, does he?

Oh, god, do we really need another set of stories about Rick and Shane’s teenage years? And whom Shane had sex with, or likely didn’t in high school — seems sooooo appropriate to discuss while searching for a missing girl. Is there a point to this?

Shane plays ‘Everyone we know is dead’ and gets all depressed. Shane thinks Sophia is dead. I think Sophia is dead. I think the only person who thinks Sophia is still alive is Rick and even he isn’t so sure. I HATE YOU, RICK! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!!
I really don’t know if I am going to remember anything about this episode tomorrow.

I’m thinking Dustin may not like Rick. I’m not sure why I have that impression… The point here is that Shane thinks Rick’s emotional responses to things are not helping and that he needs to be more rational and pragmatic. It’s been days since Sophia disappeared, so stop wasting time on a pointless search. Of course Rick can’t let go of the fact that Sophia trusted him, and then there’s the fact that the last pragmatic decision Shane made ended with Otis as zombie chum, so I’m not sure he’s the best person to listen to on the subject.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Hey. That guy was in Boondock Saints. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me #TheObvious

Down by the river, Daryl finds Sophia’s doll. She at least made it to the river. Which I guess is good, because he doesn’t find a body. Daryl climbs back on his horse and it gets spooked by birds ((foreshadowing)). Then a snake moves and Daryl’s horse bucks him and he falls off the horse and then off a cliff and into the water where he is impaled on one of his own arrows.

OMG! STUFF IS HAPPENING THIS EPISODE TOO!!

Ow. Just ow.

Daryl is all stabbed and junk, ’tis a flesh wound, but it’s pretty bad. He rips his sleeves off (I was kind of surprised he was wearing a shirt with sleeves, honestly) and makes a tourniquet.
Then there is a noise and he has to go search for his crossbow.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Just when you think it’s coming…still no rape goblins. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Suddenly the chupacabra attacks! Wait, no it doesn’t, although earlier Daryl claimed to have seen one and, oddly enough, the existence of such a thing will factor in later. Really. Slowly and painfully, he begins to climb back up the hill.

HE IS THE COOLEST CHARACTER EVER. And he’s heading towards being a major Mary Sue.
Don’t know what a Mary Sue is? Well, now you do.     [Editor’s Note: see also TV Tropes]

Lori and Glenn talk about how she is pregnant and she hasn’t told anyone but him. Welcome to the B plot, Glenn. Just then, Rick arrives and he and Lori talk about Shane and his feelings, and how they should have given up the search for Sophia a million years ago. Rick asks Lori if they should give up the search and Lori says she can’t answer that question for him. No one in this show can make a decision to save their lives. Lori – –
THERE IS ANOTHER GREEN DAUGHTER!! I am so excited to see her! I can’t even tell you!! And I can’t even remember what I was about to type before I saw her. Horrible things are in store for that kid. Horrible, awesome things.  

Where the hell are all these new kids coming from? We’ve been at the farm for what, three episodes now? And we haven’t seen these two before now?

Meanwhile, back in Mary Sue Land, Daryl makes it to the top of the cliff only to fall down again.
Back at the farm, Hershel tells Rick that Daryl stole his horse and Cannon Fodder never asked for permission to go out on the search for Sophia. Hershel suggests that team Zombie and the Green Farmers keep themselves to themselves. Hershel is pretty much decided that Team Zombie is not long for the farm.  Rick walks away all disgusted like he’s so great at doing.

I swear, it basically comes down to Hershel saying “Stop touching my stuff!” He’s something of a control freak… I wonder why. ((foreshadowing))

Daryl has a vision of Merle and Merle is just the motivation Mary Sue… er… Daryl needs to do something Mary Sue-ish.  Merle makes Daryl all confused and is a total jerk. He makes mean words at Daryl. I just hate this whole thing. I don’t want Daryl to be perfect, but I don’t want him to go back to being an ass either. Merle tells him no one will ever care about Daryl the way Merle does.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
I have sooooo missed that dude. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

But that’s okay because it’s really a zombie who luckily started with Daryl’s boots.
Daryl Mary Sues the zombies. (Bashes one’s head in with a stick then PULLS THE CROSSBOW BOLT OUT OF HIS ABDOMEN AND SHOOTS ANOTHER ZOMBIE WITH IT.)

Oh Daryl.

Daryl re-binds his wounds and says, rather ominously, that his brother was right. He then has a squirrel snack and picks up Sophia’s doll, tucks it in his belt and cuts off the ears of the zombies, just like Merle used to do. This, this is not a good sign folks.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
More Merle! More Merle! #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Then he climbs the cliff and finds Merle at the top to egg him on. I do not want this to happen. Merle and Daryl argue about what an asshole brother Merle is… or used to be… or something. Merle goads and Daryl into climbing the cliff.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Did I miss something? Chuba Cabra? #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

And we have another Chupacabra reference! Merle doesn’t think that Daryl really saw one, and with all the taunting this hallucination has been doing about Daryl’s place in the group, there are clearly some doubts here. Considering how much he’s become the best character in the show lately, I’m somewhat afraid that the writers are going to screw him over…

Please Daryl, you are so well-rounded right now, stop being awesome right at this point. Please.

Hershel finds Lori and Carol and some other unnamed women in the kitchen and is not happy. Maggie tells him it’s just dinner and Hershel asks about Glenn in the most racist way possible. Maggie cops an attitude, saying they are not having this conversation, because she is twenty-two years old, and damn it, her father needs to stop being a full on ass. Hershel tells her not to get used to Team Zombie because they are just passing through.  

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Hershel is awful. What an awful man. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Andrea is suddenly in possession of a sniper rifle. Who gave this to her and why? Dale isn’t thrilled and he’s right not to be. Heading inside the RV, he finds Glenn returning a book he borrowed. Glenn asks Dale if he thinks all the women are having their periods together because he read that can happen and they are all acting weird, and Dale does the only sensible thing when confronted with such a stupid question and tells Glenn to shut up. Of course what Glenn is really talking about is being confused about Maggie, and he tells Dale what happened. Dale, having noticed that Hershel isn’t keen on letting other people play with his stuff, asks what the hell Glenn was thinking. Glenn, quite rightly I think, answers “I was thinking I could die tomorrow.”

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
I remember the age before I finished my training when I wondered what women were thinking. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Daryl staggers out of the tree line, but everyone thinks he’s a zombie. This can’t end well, because Andrea has a shiny new toy, I mean high-powered rifle, and yeah, this is not good.

Andrea wants to shoot the “zombie”, but Rick says not to. So of course she shoots just as everyone who went out to kill the walker with shovels is getting to Daryl and realizing that he is not, in fact, a walker.
Andrea, you are terrible.
You know what, and we still don’t have Sophia. I think I’m back to hating this show.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
How does Daryl not become a zombie? They just pulled a zombie ear out of his mouth. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Luckily, Andrea can’t shoot for crap, and Daryl is just grazed. But the shot brings everyone running and boy is Hershel pissed….

Hershel is all snippy about just everything but he totally wins line of the week with: “It’s a wonder you people have survived this long.” True dat, Hershel.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Shut up Hershel. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Rick and Shane have it out about tough choices again, ending with Rick walking off in a huff.  
Lori tries to explain to Shane that Rick is trying to be strong, and that in a world where survival is not guaranteed, making the human choice is harder than making a choice for survival, but Shane says he just wants to protect her and Carl. Lori basically tells him that it’s not his job to be king dick anymore and he needs to stop being an ass.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
I wonder when somebody’s gonna realize, “Hey, Hershel’s got no guns.” #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Andrea regrets being an idiot, while Dale tries to maker her feel better for being an idiot. Dustin hates them both. Meanwhile Lori cries in Carl’s room.

Suddenly the Incredibly Awkward Dinner happens! Glenn tries to break the ice with the power of music, and an even more awkward Otis story almost ensues.

I seriously expected Daryl to say he knew how to play.
Maggie passes Glenn a booty note. They have 11 condoms left, you guys.

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Now that dad doesn’t like Glen, Maggie’s horned up again. Typical. #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

Carol brings Daryl dinner and kisses him on the face. She says he did more for Sophia than her actual dad ever did she tells him he’s every bit as good as Rick or any of the others. Honestly, at this point, Daryl is better than all of those jerks.  

When Maggie slips away to read the note, she sees that it says “Have you ever done it in a hay loft” or something like that and this is not good because…

THE HAY LOFT!! YOU GUYS IT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL!!!

What he said. This is bad, bad, bad, because Hershel told Rick the barn is off-limits, and since Rick just said OK without asking why, no one else did either, which seems really odd now that I think about it… but could it be there’s a reason Hershel doesn’t want Team Zombie to poke around in there?

There is, because Glenn discovers the barn is locked, but that’s not enough to keep him away from booty so he climbs the ladder to the hay loft as Maggie runs to the barn to stop him. Down in the barn, Glenn discovers ALL THE GREEN FARM’S DEAD NEIGHBORS!! He gets them good and riled up!

Maggie arrives in the hay loft just as Glenn is retreating, and tells him that he was never meant to see the dead in the barn.

Uh gee Maggie, that’s something of an understatement don’t you think?

Creepy_Curtis Curtis Smith
Hershel is the zombie whisperer? #WalkingDead @SciFi4Me

And there you have this week’s episode. I think we’ve learned another important lesson here, and that is that protected sex leads to zombies. Wait, that can’t be right… Anyway, join us next week where we’ll see what pointless conversations can break up the tension of Team Zombie discovering that their new neighbors are coming over for dinner. Later!

[Official Show Site at AMC]