GAME OF THRONES: The North Remembers and So Do We!

Episode 503 “High Sparrow”

I always have something to say about the episode’s intro and this is no exception since the sigil of house Bolton is now proudly stamped all over Winterfell (which is no longer on fire and I don’t know how to feel about that) and I felt a true punch to the gut. I need the direwolves back in session and I have a feeling that all of this is somehow related to the new Dark!Sansa that’s prowling the North with her new attitude. I am insanely proud of her character development and of the fact that Littlefinger now feels like her lapdog instead of the other way around.

Moving on.

Our beloved direwolf princess Arya is sweeping the very dirty halls of what appears to be the house of Black and White. It’s all black inside though. There are many spooky statues and a spooky fountain and a spooky girl. Everything is very confusing to everyone, including the Stark girl that confronts Jaqen about wanting to be his apprentice, not his maid. (We agree. The girl has shown her bravery and worth more than anyone in this show. Let her have what she wants for once, seven hells) But the Faceless Jaqen is as cryptic as always and won’t budge.

Later on, some Waif character starts hitting Arya, demanding to know who she is and the Northern is smart enough to answer “no one”. However, this answer won’t do because Arya is still wearing her clothes, her sword, and everything that makes her Arya Stark. Thus, she has to throw everything she is into the sea, but she is unable to get rid of Needle. (Good call, girl. You can still have feelings even if you have no face) Venturing a guess, maybe she will now be cut some slack and they will let her be a Faceless Man. And the sweeping is giving me a Mr. Miyagi vibe, so maybe next time we will see her hunting roaches with chopsticks to enhance her skills. Or maybe that’s what the whole cleaning dead bodies is for. We just don’t know.

In our always boisterous King’s Landing, Queen Cersei is probably experiencing what Madonna must have felt when Britney took over the world. The crowd chants are directed to Margaery and Margaery only. But let’s face it, Cersei never did anything in particular to please the people, while the lovely princess Tyrell fed the poor and made the orphans smile. It seems that the wedding between Tommen the Sweet and Margaery the Flower Power princess is about to take place. And yes, we all felt out insides quiver with dread. (Not another wedding, please. Who is getting slaughtered this time? Almost everyone we hate in this part of Westeros is dead! Which can only mean… No. No, just let them party in peace) And so the wedding went on smoothly, while our hands trembled clenched to our phones and our anti-anxiety medication.

The post coital pillow talk between Tommen and Margaery is heart-warming, and I really need this marriage to work out without ulterior motives and manipulation nation. But even I know how wishful this thinking is. Margaery is no rookie, and she knows her part. So she starts making Tommen dish the dirt on Cersei. And does she take advantage of the information received; convincing Tommen that in order for him to properly be the big strong King, he has to send his mommy back to Casterly Rock. But Cersei isn’t happy about this suggestion (Goes without saying. Try to take a lioness away from her cubs. There’s gory stories about this everywhere), and she calls Margaery out on it with this deliciously cynical and sharp banter these two have going on. But Margaery isn’t fazed and she manages to send the lioness back with her tail between her legs. This is another ticking time bomb, fellas. And I no longer have any idea who is going to win, but I am starting to be more inclined towards the Tyrell side since Cersei is losing power. Slowly, very slowly.

Back to the fun and games; it’s been awhile since we last saw an orgy. The center of this orgy is none other than the High Septum, trying to bring to life his most depraved fantasies. But he is interrupted by the mysterious weirdos called the Sparrows, religion fanatics. They humiliate the Septum who goes crying to Cersei and Small Council. But plot twist, Cersei actually arrests the Septum for his depravity. Yes, you heard it right. Cersei did the right thing. Cersei acted in a lawful good way. Is she trying to actually gain charisma like Margaery? While she talked to the High Sparrow (a barefoot good Samaritan that feeds the poor) there was no sign of evil, manipulative lioness. I am scared out of my wits. I have no idea what to think of this. What is happening???

Out there in the North, Moat Cailin is reeking with Boltons. Bolton father calls out Bolton son on his unethical way of handling business. Seriously, Ramsay. We know you like to cut off limbs, skin and other useful body parts but if you slaughter (or transform into eunuchs) everyone that could fight for you, then when conflict explodes, that’s going to be a battle that will last less than Robb Stark’s first enterprises (Y’know, before he was brutally murdered and stuff). Reeky seems to be suffering from PTSD and so are we whenever we see Ramsay Bolton eating (The viral Sausage Rap starts playing in my head, I just get more scarred with every episode). And so father Bolton says that he has found a bride for Ramsay, a bride that would help solidify the North and gain more allegiances and power. Yes, none other than Sansa.

At one point, I would have cried over the poor Stark orphan, but at this point, I think Dark!Sansa is about to put Ramsay where he belongs. (All the sausage puns, all of them. Make it stop.) But there’s still the fact that the “Boltons of Winterfell” were the key point in the downfall and massacre of the real Lords of Winterfell. But we’re not the only ones who remember that. As Sansa is led to her old room, a servant tells her that “The North remembers…” (I squealed)

And yes, Podrick and Brienne are following them still. But both of them open up to each other and the sweet squire manages to melt lady Tarth with his genuine sweetness. I’m getting the feeling that the dynamic duo will play a major part in whatever is about to go down in Moat Cailin. Which is kind of along the way to The Wall, where Stannis has been squatting. (Leave the Starks alone, Brienne and please go avenge Renly)

Speaking of The Wall, Jon Snow isn’t happy about the Baratheon and his troops taking over but Stannis reassures that he will go fight the Boltons soon (Sounds like the excuses to give your landlord when you don’t have the rent ready) and he also asks Jon to reconsider the proposal to make him a legitimate Stark, but he still refuses. His place is at the Night’s Watch and he is the Lord Commander. I personally can’t see Jon Snow back in the pompous world of politics and treason. Anyway, the Onion Knight tells Jon that Stannis has taken a liking to him (Just like Gendry? Don’t talk to me about Stannis liking people) and that he will always have to deal with Westeros drama since he is basically in charge of protecting the North. The Stark bastard still has to take care of the wildlings, whose fate has been put in his hands by Stannis.

Oh, remember Janos? The coward guard who hid during battle with Gilly and baby Sam? Well, he is dead now. Beheaded by Jon after he refused to obey the Lord Commander’s orders. He cried and blubbered like the babies he murdered and Snow showed no mercy. He has been added to the small list of deaths that actually feel good in this show.

Or at least I was scared until Qyburn basically turned into Dr. Frankenstein and has apparently brought The Mountain back to life. Corrected and upgraded. Sheesh.

Far, far away in Volantis, Tyrion has had enough of the carriage and drags Varys out to party in the city’s docks. Of course, they hit a brothel after a weird encounter with a Red Priestess. Everywhere they go, everybody seems to be enamored of the “Dragon Queen”, even prostitutes cosplay as her (Goodbye to Princess Leia’s gold bikini fantasy?) But Tyrion isn’t really in the mood to get down and dirty with a stranger and just gets drunk. But as he’s trying to pee into the darkness, Jorah Mormont comes out of the shadows and kidnaps him. Apparently he recognized Tyrion and will bring him as a present for Daenerys to forgive him.

I don’t know how happy I am about the Narrow Sea being this narrow. Whatever.

Valar Morghulis.

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