Episode 67 “The Dragon and The Wolf”
Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss
Directed by Jerome Podeska
Everything we ever wanted to happen, happened. The one thing we never thought could happen, happened. All in an hour and 20 minutes and it was almost too much to handle. Honestly, it felt like they were trying to make up for this season’s terrible writing by placating us with all our fan theories coming to life.
The finale starts off with the preparation for a battle at King’s Landing, the Lannisters against the Unsullied and Dothraki. Of course they are preparing pitch, a highly flammable liquid against Dragons. Yeah, totally makes sense. Of course, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Bronn (Jerome Flynn) have to have a colorful discussion about whom they are facing. “Maybe it really is all cocks in the end.” Truer words have never been spoken.
Finally, the moment we have been looking forward to all season, when The two Queens and one King meet, along with their followers. We get so many reunions, it’s like a family meet up. Of course a very disjointed family that have been trying to kill each other for years, but hey what family reunion isn’t like that? We have the Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Pod (Daniel Portman) meetup. YAY! Magic cocks all around! The Tyrion, and Bronn meetup. Interesting how they care so much for each other but have ended up on such hated sides. Naturally, Tyrion attempts to convince Bronn to join him by promising more than what he is currently getting, and for once, Bronn doesn’t take it. For a man who is more than willing to move to the highest bidder, he has gained a semblance of loyalty. Probably still holding out for that castle he will never get.
One of my favorite encounters is when Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) and The Hound (Rory McCann) talk about their little wolf assassin, Arya (Maisie Williams). It’s like two civil separated parents discussing their child’s badassery accomplishments, and oh my God is that a smile? The Hound smiled! I didn’t know that was possible! Already I’m sold on this episode, even if nothing else I hoped for happens, at least he smiled about Arya.
I couldn’t figure out the best way to explain the next occurring events without making this into a chapter book, so I have decided to instead give you my following reactions in bullet points. Cause why the hell not?
- Well this is the most awkward meeting ever. Everyone here wants to kill everyone. Gotta love that self control though.
- Where is Daenerys? (Emilia Clarke)
- She’s going to make a dramatic entrance isn’t she?
- Yup! Wouldn’t be Dany if she didn’t fly in on a dragon.
- DAAAAMN Cersei (Lena Headey) with that nonplussed clap back!
- Dany being all, ‘Sorry not sorry’.
- Oh Euron (Pilou Asbæk) shut up! Seriously? He’s like the one family member that everyone can agree they don’t like.
- See? Even Jaime and Cersei can’t stand him.
- Stop talking and get to the White Walker.
- The Hound struggling in with the box on his back, like a freshman in high school on his first day.
- I swear if that Wight is dead somehow I’m going to cry.
- Oh crap oh crap oh crap!
- Not going to lie, that look of pure terror on Cersei’s face as it charged her was the most satisfying thing I have ever seen.
- Euron tucking tail and running. But not before offering himself up to Dany of course.
- YES! Cersei is going to join! That was easier than I thought.
- Of course there’s a catch. How can there be a catch?
- Lie Jon, lie Jon, lie Jon!
- DAMNIT Jon! You can’t fib not even a little?
- Dany looking like she is beyond ready for that eight inches of Snow, even if he is dumb.
- Cersei! You can’t be serious!?
- Jaime looking beyond confused about forgetting loyalty. Almost like it couldn’t even be a consideration.
- Ha! Everyone letting Jon know how stupid he is.
- Tyrion. No. Don’t do it! She’ll kill you!
So basically, Jaime tried to speak to his sister to no avail, so Tyrion gives it a go, and I hold my breath believing this will surely be his end. Finally Tyrion gets to stand up for himself, but Cersei won’t listen to it, so he calls her bluff, telling her to end his life if he is such a threat. Cersei considers it. The Mountain pulls out his sword, but she doesn’t give the word. Tyrion drinks a nice glass of wine, offers some to Cersei, and begins to negotiate, only to find out she is pregnant. We don’t know what all is said in that room afterwards but it’s enough to have Cersei come back and agree to help the others against the White Walkers.
In Winterfell, Petyr (Aidan Gillen) advises Sansa (Sophie Turner) against Arya, and it feels all too soon and scary. They can’t already be turning against each other. Sansa calls forth Arya in front of all her council and men. It’s hard to think of what could possibly be happening, I am just enraged that this is even happening, until the tides turn and it is actually Petyr being accused. He begs and pleads, but Sansa and Arya refuse any of it. Petyr tries to claim they don’t have proof but Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) recites exactly what Petyr said to Ned (Sean Bean) before betraying him. Three Eyed Raven finally doing something useful! Without giving him much more of a chance to plead, Arya slits his throat, and not in a way that he would die quickly either. Oh no, she makes sure he feels it and that it lasts. Oh, it is such a good feeling to be rid of Petyr and to have Sansa and Arya working together.
Theon (Alfie Allen) finally puts aside his guilt and confronts Jon about what happened. Jon accepts his apology, and having gained some courage, goes to confront his sisters men in order to convince them to rescue her. He is nearly beaten to death, but a few knees to his dickless crotch actually saves him, and gains the respect of his men. Enough to sail off in search and rescue of Yara (Gemma Whelan).
Meanwhile, Cersei is straight bat crap crazy. Turns out she will not be sending her armies to the aid of Dany and Jon. Jaime is dumbfounded and can’t reason with her. Cersei threatens to kill Jaime if he doesn’t do as she wants. He calls her bluff and walks away. Yes Jaime! Cut that toxic woman out of your life! Just as he leaves snow begins to fall. A strange sight for King’s Landing, an even more sinister sight for Jaime.
In Winterfell, Sam (John Bradley) arrives and meets up with Bran. They do a quick ‘remember me’ and then Bran jumps right into the knowledge that he has been containing. Of course, as he is speaking we cut to Dany and Jon getting it on. Oh my, is that…is that Jon’s butt? Heeeellloooo Jon! Except he isn’t Jon, he’s actually Aegon Targaryen the rightful heir to the throne! Turns out Rhaegar had his marriage annulled, and secretly married Lyanna Stark, thus siring Aegon. So not only is Jon a Targaryen, the rightful heir to the Throne, not a bastard, but he’s also Daenarys’ nephew! It was far too wrong to learn this right when they are finally together. Yet, why is it so wrong but it feels so right?
While Bran and Sam are ooing over Jon’s new found heritage, The Night King (Vladimir ‘Furdo’ Furdik) marches on the wall, and his ice dragon pretty much demolishes it, and possibly Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) as well. I swear if he dies before getting to make monster babies with Brienne, I’m going to be pissed. As the ice settles, we watch as thousands of White Walkers stream into the North past the wall. For once the very thing we thought was impossible just became possible, and we have to wait until 2019 before the final season to know what is going to happen next.
Game of Thrones airs Sunday nights at 9/8c on HBO.