Season 3 Episode 2 “Sick”
[photos: Gene Page/AMC]
Timothy: Ladies and Gentlemens! We are returned! Mr. Adair and I and our Master of All Things Tweet, Mr. Smith are sitting down to watch the second episode of season 3 of AMC’s The Walking Dead. As always, there are SPOILERS aplenty as well as bad language and behavior. Proceed With Caution.
Dustin: Do I really have to do this?
Yes. Your adoring public demands it.
We do love them so, especially because you are usually so very, very wrong.
You really make a great case for me to do this.
Do you want me to find your swami hat?
… No. I just so happen to have it… right here. Behind the couch.
But of course you do. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you… Dusto the Great!
That’s Dusto the Magnificent to you mister.
Sigh. Moving on, predictions for this episode.
- The episode will focus on Michonne and Andrea.
- The inmates in the cafeteria are multiethnic, but only the white ones will have lines. (Even though the leader of the inmates in the comics is a Black guy. ((A gay black guy, BTDubs.)))
- Hershel will not die… this week.
- Lori will wander around feeling sorry for herself while Carol, Daughter Fodder and Carl clean up the cell block.
Once Upon a Time really likes to use every last-minute of their hour. COME ON we have Zombies to watch!
I will say that I don’t know if I like the Captain Hook with all the Guyliner. On the other hand, he is the first fairytale character I want to make sweet, sweet love to. (sorry Mad Hatter, you’ve been replaced.)
Ahem. This is not, in fact, the Once Upon A Time review. This would be the Walking Dead review. And that just isn’t appropriate.
Have you met us?
True. Get on with it.
Oh well, on to the show we’re being paid the Big Bucks to recap.
More walkers than talkers.
Daughter Fodder is a sanger.
We found a prison.
Andrea has a cold.
Rick and (the menfolk half of) Team Zombie are still trapped in the cafeteria, having just cut off the bitten parts of Hershel’s leg and discovering the five surviving prisoners. Rick is trying to help Hershel while the prisoners and Daryl have a heated discussion about who they all are and where they all came from.
While all this is going on, Theodore channels Michonne to ninja a zombie… Oh, there is only one zombie outside the doors, like the others just, like vanished… again.
Wow, this is getting a little silly. I mean, where are all these zombies wandering away to? I mean, these guys are the food after all.
The prisoners are not sure what to make about this whole thing, they stand there dumbfounded while Team Zombie wheels Hershel out of the cafeteria.
You shut your mouth, Kevin Smith.
Right, so for those of you who don’t know, Dustin and I are not fans of Comic Book Men. That was in reference to the commercial for the show. Well, it was specifically in reference to the commercial… I am unsure about how Dustin feels about Kevin Smith with that taken out of the equation. Personally I like his movies, but the TV show is awful.
No one cares! Apparently Carol is kind of a… something. Hershel had been teaching her medical stuff so she could help with the delivery, and now she is like a doctor or something.
While all this is going on, Daryl watches the doors with his crossbow as all the prisoners come out. He tells them they are free to go, and a little argument breaks out.
Apparently the leader of the prisoners is a very sexy Latino.
In an amazingly white t-shirt. In fact they are all really clean. And well shaven. Clearly this is a very well stocked cafeteria, with razors and hair care products.
Theodore and Daryl try to tell them to bug out, but they are not having it.
Back with Hershel , Rick tells Glenn that he might have to kill Hershel if he turns, Glen says he is ready for that, if it happens.
Rick goes out to tell everyone to relax. Then he spills the beans about how seriously fucked everything is on the outside, and how honestly lucky they all are to have been locked in a prison all winter.
There is a big guy, a medium guy, a little guy and a hillbilly along with the Latino as the prisoners.
The prisoners are kind of slow on the uptake because they have been locked up for so long. They want to call their friends and families on their cell phones. Rick takes them out to a yard full of dead bodies.
I don’t know, these guys are a little insistent on being contrary after being holed up in a cafeteria for 10 months. You would think they’d be a little more “What’s going on?” than they are. I mean, they’ve been holed up in a cafeteria for 10 months in a prison. Prisons are run by states. States have something of an interest in making sure that prisons are doing what they are supposed to do, as in keeping the prisoners inside. If 10 months go by, and no one has come for them, surely that’s a sign that things are less than optimal.
Latino and Rick have a little bit of a pissing contest about who owns the prison, the hillbilly tries to talk some sense into them. It’s kind of ridiculous. I hate the whole thing.
Rick and the Latino hammer out a deal where they will help clear out a new cell block for the prisoners and they will stay out of each other’s way. Oh, the alpha-malesness of it all.
Carol is able to stabilize Hershel and they discuss all the things supplies they need to get through the next few days with him all, like, about to die and stuff.
Back in the cafeteria… wait. One of the guys is called Big Tiny. Big. Tiny. OH!! And it’s the big black guy!! What are the other two black guys called? Medium Tiny and Little Tiny? Racist show, racist…. Okay, back to the show.
Good lord, that is a terrible nickname. Really?
So there is food, not a ton, but more than Latino let on about. Rick and Daryl are pretty happy. Latino tries to renegotiate the deal, saying he can only have a couple of bags of food, but Rick is having exactly none of it. What he is having? A good whiff of the freezer, which the prisoners have been using as a toilet. Okay, that is pretty funny.
Hershel is not doing so great and Maggie is all ready to bury him. Glen tells her to stop being a whiny girl with lady vagina parts and they discuss the brutal nature of their existence. Glen sends Maggie to check on Daughter Fodder.
Daughter Fodder is cutting off the legs of Hershel’s pants. Maggie says that they shouldn’t get their hopes up. Daughter Fodder say all they have is hope. This is the same girl who tried to off herself last season, you guys.
Rick and Theodore and Daryl come back with food, but no way to cook it (can’t wait to see that episode.)
Oh, now Lori wants to talk to Rick about the prisoners. Oh jeez here we go. Lori asks what the options are and Rick says they can kill them. Lori tells him she is behind him whatever he thinks is best, but Rick calls her on her flip flopping. She says Rick needs to do whatever he needs to keep the team safe.
While Daryl is teaching the prisoners the finer points of zombie killing, Latin asks why they don’t just cap their asses. Daryl tells him not to be an idiot. They form a plan about how to kill them.
Theodore has had a plethora of lines this week; his agent must have done some real negotiating over the summer.
I know! It’s great! Welcome to the show sir!
Maggie sees that Hershel is chained to the bed and asks if she can sit with him. They allow it and she holds his hand and talks to him about how it’s okay if he lets go… she cries and gets real close to his face. Hershel looks pretty terrible. She tells him it’s okay to die and be at peace. I kind of like it… but I also want him to bite her fool nose off. She kisses him on the cheek and rests her head on his chest.
Rick and the men folk and the prisoners head out the do some zombie hunting. Daryl in the lead and here come the zombies. The prisoners try and take out the zombies like they are in a prison fight with body blows and shanks and shit, while team zombies stands around and watches.
Oh wow, the look on Theodore’s face is priceless! Seriously, did they not just tell these guys that you have to kill them in the head? Something tells me they will be learning the lesson the hard way, but I like how our guys are just standing there letting the idiots figure it out.
Hershel is not dead. Carl comes in with a bag full of supplies. Where did you get those supplies, Carl? Went on a raid to the infirmary by yourself, did you? Tell me, how did you know where the infirmary was? Did you ask directions? Was there a zombie in the help kiosk? Lori asks none of these questions, but does try and reprimand him for running off on his own AGAIN. Of course this rings so false even Hershel in his comatose state rolls his eyes. Carl runs off in a huff, I think it’s more because he got told by Daughter Fodder and less about Lori trying to be a mom.
You know what I want? I want a map of the prison, because here you and I have been really happy with the writing these two episodes, and then they dump something like this on us. Carl wandering off, sure, that we’re used to, but considering that every time Rick & Co venture off into the rest of the prison, they are chased by the undead, and yet the Horrible Child just wanders off and finds the infirmary? Gah!
The prisoners finally have it figured out and Big Tiny wanders off and is attacked, and Latino saves the day by shooting the walker but not before Big Tiny is injured.
Hershel is still not dead. Carol needs Glen’s help with something, but he doesn’t want to go, until the women tell him it’s fine.
Big Tiny is all hurt and stuff, the prisoners don’t want Big Tiny to die, but Latino takes him out. It’s pretty brutal; he gets the crazy eyes. So now we have Latino, the hillbilly, Medium Tiny and Little Tiny.
Clearly we know who is in the joint for being less than charitable to his fellow man.
Carol takes Glen out to the fence where they pick a zombie… so Carol can practice… giving Lori a c-section. What the hell. Seriously, what, the holy hell. Carol kills her a walker and then Glen distracts the others while Carol goes and claims her new toy. Seriously, that’s messed up.
Well yeah, but it makes sense, and that’s how doctors train anyway, on corpses. Of course, generally speaking, the corpses aren’t moving about, but still. I like how Glen is channeling both of us here, with getting the logic of it, and still thinking it’s really messed up.
Daryl tells Rick that he will full on kill Latino if Rick gives him the signal. They find the laundry. Rick gives Latino the keys and tells him to open the door. Latino doesn’t want to at first, but Rick convinces him. Everyone else gets ready or a fight, Rick tells him only to open one door, but the doors are broken and he has to open them both.
Just a note here… When our Latino friend opens both doors, and Rick points out that he told him to open one?
Our rough fellow’s response is, and I quote: “S___ happens.”
More brutal zombie fighting. Latino tries to hit Rick with his machete, but it could possibly be an accident. Then he throws a walker on top of Rick, and that is totally NOT an accident. Daryl saves Rick and they finish off all the zombies. Rick and Latino (according to The Talking Dead, his name was Tomas) face off. Latino fake apologizes and rick fake accepts it, then Rick totally kills Latino in the FACE . Little Tiny kind of freaks out then runs off into the prison. Rick pursues. Little Tiny escapes into a zombie filled yard. And Rick closes him in. Totally brutal.
So when Rick is fake accepting Tomas’ apology? He says “S___ happens”, and then kills him in the face. With a machete. And make no mistake, Rick murders both men. There really is no other way to describe it.
So now we are left with Medium Tiny and hillbilly.
Hershel’s breathing stops and Daughter Fodder freaks out. Lori comes in and does mouth to mouth and chest compressions. Suddenly Hershel is back!! But only after it looks like he is going to bite Lori’s fool face off. Also Carl is about to end his life!!
I will say, I don’t know how I feel about Lori doing something useful, as stupid and short-sighted as it was.
Hillbilly begs for his life, but Medium Tiny has never begged for his life before and he’s not about to start now. So Rick… has mercy and releases him and hillbilly into the cell block. They tell them this side of the prison is theirs. Theodore tells them to burn the bodies.
And Daryl apologizes about their friends. Because Daryl is awesome.
Hershel is stabilized. Rick arrives back and… nothing happens… for a long time. Until Hershel’s eyes finally open. Win one for the living this week.
For a moment there I thought Hershel was going to be… I don’t know. When he reached out to Rick I half expected him to tell him that he should have let him die or something.
These guys seriously need a shower.
And yet Tomas’ wife-beater was suspiciously white.
Meanwhile, Carl’s hair is terrible.
Carl is all terrible.
Carol takes her zombie and oh, do I have to write this part? It’s pretty much the worst thing that ever happened.
I got this. So Carol, now with her new training zombie, sits regarding the corpse as she prepares to practice C-sections. She’s clearly not excited about this, but she raises up the woman’s dress and begins to cut…
It is really awful. It’s also strangely intimate, and that, that makes it worse.
But in the forest, someone is watching…
Lori and Rick talk about cleaning up the cell block. Lori worries that Carl is a sociopath, but she barely knows him, so it’s hardly her fault. They discuss the fact that they can’t get divorced… not that they want to… no… that would be silly.
You know, I think the writers have been listening to the audience here, because Lori both says she’s a terrible mother and makes a bad joke about Carl wandering off all the time. It’s actually really Meta. And funny.
Rick and Lori agree to keep being pretty much terrible to each other. Aw, sad Lori kind of makes me sad. Kind of.
Here’s another scene where Lori actually gets written well. Careful Walking Dead, don’t make me start liking Lori… I’ve read the comic.
Meanwhile Michonne and Andrea enjoyed a lovely Indigo Girls concert.
Silly Dustin, the Indigo Girls wouldn’t survive the Zombie Holocaust. Only Nickelback would survive the Zombie Holocaust, because they’re already dead inside.
And that’s this week’s episode folks! Some really strong episodes to start this new season, and the writing is really good so far, well, aside from Carl’s field trip and Big Tiny’s horrible name. And now, you know what time it is?
It’s Time for the Wheel of Morality! Turn, Turn, Turn! Tell us the lessons that we should learn!
Nope! But you win points for an Animaniacs reference.
Time for us to look at your predictions.
Let’s see. Ok, Number 1. No sir, I’m afraid that Andrea and Michonne were not the focus of this week’s episode, so that would be a failed prediction.
The ads for next week clearly show that they are the focus. I obviously cast my amazing mental powers too far into the future.
Uh huh. Number 2!
I have amazing powers.
Number 2! Well, all of our prisoners had lines, and one of them was a white guy who spoke. They were multiethnic, but the leader, self-appointed, was Latino. I’ll give you… half a point for that one.
I have amazing powers.
Number 3! Congratulations sir! Hershel did not, in fact, die. You got one! A fairly obvious one, but still.
I have… amazing powers.
Number 4! Well, Lori kinda did the sorry for herself thing, but it wasn’t till the end, and Carl took his unbelievable field trip. But Daughter Fodder stuck with Hershel and did some hemming, and Carol was working towards her medical degree, so… half a point.
I have… oh never mind. Next week though. Next week you shall rue your “half a point”. You shall rue it!
I am greatly afeared. I really am.
And that’s all the time we have folks…
This week’s lesson. You haven’t given this week’s lesson.
“Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn,” huh?
Exactly. See how I set that up?
You have amazing powers. Ok. Our lesson for this week is clear: If you are trapped in a prison for ten months as the world collapses outside, don’t try and play alpha dog games with the guys who rescue you, because Rick will straight up murder you.