CHLOE KING Needs to Grow Up?

banner_recapTHE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING
Season 1, episode 8: “Heartbreaker”

Oh, the drama! Or should I say OMG! The Drama!

Firstly, let me call out ABC Family for having their ads on auto-play. On every single page. It’s annoying.

This week’s episode picks up in the last minutes of last week’s episode – specifically, Alek planting one on Chloe. Only this time, there’s a twist! Kitty Hat Brian is standing at the bottom of the steps with Chloe’s scarf (you know, the one she dropped when she ran away from him…) He’s bummed out, Chloe’s doing some major back-pedaling, and Alek is cheesed because she says the kiss was “nothing”. Way to go, girlie. You just ticked off both of the guys who are interested – one of them a COLLEGE BOY.

[I’m not letting this go. This is such a statutory rape charge waiting to happen. Am I the only one that has a problem with this? She’s sixteen, for crying out loud!]

So Chloe’s boo-hoo sitting on the roof somewhere (not her house.. How does she get away from Mom?) when she sees the building marked with the same name that’s on the back of the photo Kitty Hat has. So she snaps a picture with her handy iPhone (shown in proper product placement close-ups) and then Spider-Senses a scream and she’s off to save the day! So we get minor emotional bit coupled with minor action bit, followed by Chloe with a halo from a police spotlight.

Thus setting up both the B and C story threads for this episode.

Mom starts having suspicions about Chloe (about time), thinking that it’s drugs or sex or something. Chloe sufficiently freaks out.

“Protecting loved ones from your secret is like Superhero 101.” This from the Sidekick.But really, what does he know? Stuff he reads in a comic book? Really? And Chloe just accepts that he’s the expert. Because he reads comic books. Sometimes these characters really scream at me “Hey, look how immature I am because I’m sixteen! But I remember being smarter than that when I was sixteen…

Which seems almost prescient, given the fact that Mom and Chloe almost get run over on the way to the police station, right after they pimp the green Kia Soul! (Can I get a “what what”? You can get wid dis, or you can get wid dat. Right?) It’s the bad guys that Chloe stopped in the opening act.

Oh, and Chloe tells Mom to declare Dad dead, knowing he’s not. Yeah, that won’t turn out right, will it? And the cop puts the drug suspicions in Mom’s head.

The whole conversation between Mom and Chloe about the kid’s altered behavior seems forced. It’s full of trite dialogue and predictable “Gilmore Girls” lite angst. Chloe gets plenty of chances to tell Mom what she wants to tell her, but can’t tell her because of the whole Superhero 101 lesson.

Chloe meets Kitty Hat, who has another girl with him (who actually looks like she was born before yesterday), and she tells him about the storage facility. He thanks her, then kicks her to the curb. Sad face.

More talk between Chloe and Amy. Amy thinks Chloe’s nuts for moping over Kitty Hat when Alek is right in front of her and available! OMG!

Speaking of which, Jasmine comes by to talk about said Hoodie Crew sweetness. Chloe goes through the normal usual sixteen-year-old angst.

Chloe gets called down to the police station and picks out the two thugs from the alley. And she Spider-Senses the cop is feeling scared and angry at Chloe. OMG! Outside the police station, Chloe and Amy see the bad guys. And zounds! They’re in cahoots with the cop!

Kitty Hat goes to the storage unit and finds all sorts of his mother’s stuff, including the engagement ring that Rich Evil Dad Rezza said had been stolen! OMG!

Mom reads Chloe’s e-mail, finds out Dad King is still alive, sufficiently freaks out. OMG!

Chloe assembles her little Scooby gang to look for the bad guys in cahoots with the cop, and Alek interjects himself. Only Chloe has dinner plans with Mom. And that includes Mom confronting her about Dad being alive. OMG!!

(really, I’m trying to fit in. How’m I doing?)

Mom and Chloe fight like a normal teen and mother, and they have a few bonding moments, in a “Gilmore Girls” lite tone. Not really getting it right, but props to Amy Pietz for selling the worried mother of a teen with issues. Love how Chloe tries to justify her actions. Typical teenager. All is sort of not exactly well. When Alek comes by for his usual stalking on the roof, he tells her that she can’t tell Mom about the whole Mai thing (funny… I would have told my parents first thing out.. I think.) Alek gives his sob story, boo hoo, let’s make him more sympathetic instead of a wooden plank – and I don’t mean William Shatner wooden. I mean stiff as a board bad acting, wooden.

Of course, while the Scooby gang is stalking the bad guys, the bad guys are actually at Chloe’s house! OMG!

And we get this close to Chloe revealing her secret to her mother, when Alek shows up in response to Chloe’s panic text. From the iPhone by Apple.

So, all is well. And Kitty Hat comes by the store where Chloe is employed, but never works, to tell her what he found at the storage building. And there’s sighs and moon eyes. And Alek looking on from the bookstore like a creepy stalker. (Hey, Kitty Hat’s a creepy college-age stalker of a sixteen-year-old girl… why not?)

I didn’t even bother to figure out the formula for this week. My brain is mush from watching this show.

[Official Show Site at ABC Family]

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Jason P. Hunt

Jason P. Hunt (founder/EIC) is the author of the sci-fi novella "The Hero At the End Of His Rope". His short film "Species Felis Dominarus" was a finalist in the Sci Fi Channel's 2007 Exposure competition.

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